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The number of views versus the number of replies is really discomforting. I just took the time to reply to one person who was reaching out, and I'll try to reach out to more people. But seeing 100 views and 5 replies is just a bit disconcerting. One of the objectives here is to support one another, no? Not just peruse people's stories?

You're not broken. You are perfectly justified in feeling the way you do. I'm really sorry you have gone through what you have. See a therapist, but also if you do not like how the therapy is going or dissatisfied with the therapist, you are perfectly entitled to seek out another one. You are normal, you are worthy, and if you feel like to need to be alone, that is your right. Try to cut yourself some slack.

Thank you.

Hi. On and off, I've been looking for a support site for people who have had similar experiences to mine. An article about C-PTSD came up in my feed on Facebook, and I was fascinated and surprised to learn that there isn't only PTSD but also C-PTSD. The causes and symptoms seemed to fit me at various times. At the bottom of this article, this was the first link suggested for support. Before finding it, I'd had no luck finding any type of support group that fit. I found there was a lot of support for victims/survivors of sexual abuse (which I have experienced) but not physical, emotional and the abandonment issues I dealt with as a child. I don't know exactly what I'm looking for from this site, maybe just a response or someone to reply that they too have gone through something similar and suffer some of the same physical/emotional results in adulthood.
In a nutshell, my parents divorced when I was 5. I was left every day with a childcare provider who severely abused me (made me hang by my hands from a closet pole for long periods of time, made me stand up all night when my father had to leave me overnight (by this time, my mother had abandoned me and came back a few years later), whipped me, taped thumbtacks on my heels and made me walk all night on my toes until I couldn't and stepped down on the tack, hit me, made me urinate my pants in front of other kids to humiliate myself. I was scared of her. She threatened me. She told me to kill myself by going to the local lake and drowning myself. I almost did until the police came. I didn't tell my father because I was scared of her. Eventually, my father caught on that something wasn't right, especially when my family doctor told him that I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. So, when I was seven, I was free of her. But then there was the next thing. My father was a neglectful alcoholic. There was never any cooked meals. I ate a lot of pizza. The fridge was always empty. All the stuff that goes with neglect and alcohol. He would get drunk, beat me, and then have no memory of it. A few years later my mother returned, announcing she was marrying a doctor and asking me to live with her. I did. At first I felt like the luckiest girl - a nice bed, nice clean clothes. It was wonderful. I made friends with the girl next door. It was when I was about 9 that I began to be sexually abused by her 16-year-old brother. I don't remember how long that lasted, but again he threatened me and I was scared. Eventually they moved, and that was the end of the big events of abuse in my life. They have had a lasting effect on my life, and I fit a lot of the symptoms listed in the C-PTSD. I've never found anyone who's had similar experiences. Now I'm in my 40's. I have a loving husband and a young child. I think i'm doing an okay job as a mother, and my husband is an incredible dad. But I do not feel normal. I do not feel self-actualized. I've had addictions, and once in awhile I fall back to the old habit of substance abuse. I'm not comfortable with my own life, even though it's turned out to be fine. I think about the abuse and the effect it's had on me up to now a lot. I sometimes wonder what I would have turned out like if none of those things had ever happened to me. I'm often jumpy, reactive, don't cope well with some things. Fortunately, my husband is very understanding. I do yoga, i've seen a psychologist in the past, but I still revert back to self harm through cigarettes and alcohol, compare my life to my friends and wish I were them or think they're better. Life has gotten better over the years, but I definitely don't feel life I've self-actualized, grown up, or whatever. Is there anyone out there who's experienced something similar? Am I in the right place? If not, feel free to suggest another site. Thank you.