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Topics - Bounty

#1
So I'm not sure if this is where I should post this but as it relates to a major flashback last Friday I thought I would place it here.

TRIGGER WARNING


So on Friday I was intimate with my partner and everything was going really well until I had a major flashback and then all I could see was my ex (rapist) instead of my partner.

I am trying to work out why I had such a bad flashback and why the aftermath has been really difficult, I'm wondering if it's the counselling as it's bringing things to the surface or could it be related to my partner trying new things between us like new positions, could I subconsciously not feel safe as it's not the norm?

I would talk to my partner about what I'm thinking but I don't want him thinking he is to blame.

I think I might explore this more in counselling but I have to wait until next week so thought I would ask others what they think.
#2
RE - Re-experiencing Trauma / Need to talk
September 05, 2020, 06:02:01 PM
This may seem silly to some and I'm sorry if I waste your time reading this post.

I was just reading a bed time story to my daughter, a book I must have read many times before however tonight was different.
As I was reading it I started to get very emotional and I then had a flashback to being at college where we had to read in front of our peers and bring a book to life as if reading to children (I trained as a nursery nurse). I felt the humiliation of the situation and how I was told by many of my peers I couldn't do certain books, I remember my peers whispering to each other when I was doing my chosen book and how being so vulnerable in front of everyone was so difficult. All my life I feel like I have been bullied and right now I feel like I need to run away as I feel ashamed of myself.

I'm scared of having to read a book to the children at work in front of my colleagues in case the same thing happens and I will be a laughing stock at work.
#3
Inner Child Work / Feel child like most of the time.
August 26, 2020, 04:51:39 PM
I have a tendency to feel like a scared child rather than a 40 year old adult, I find myself cuddling a soft toy to sleep to help me feel safe and I sometimes hold it while sat watching tv.

I had my second counselling session to day and told the counsellor how I feel and I was even holding the toy throughout the session which I admitted to her she said does it sound right that you are trying to comfort the child in you? I find this all very difficult to understand and feel embarrassed really.

I think it's linked to flashbacks of things that happened at boarding school as I was a very scared child then but it was so long ago I shouldn't be like this.

I know I was bullied at school and was made to do things by peers of a sexual nature could this be why?
#4
I'm not sure where to put this but as it happens when I have a fair amount of flashbacks I have put it here. (Admin move if needed).
When I have had quite a few flashbacks in a row I have been getting these voices talking to me all at once and I have no idea what they are saying. It gets very overwhelming that it's hard to deal with anything going on in the real world.
I have informed my GP and waiting to hear back from them, I was just wondering if other can relate at all?
#5
I remember when I told my parents I wanted to go to boarding school like my sister and my mum said I had to give 5 good reasons for wanting to go and I only gave her 2. The first was because I didn't want to keep repeating my work every time we moved schools and the second was because of my dad, we didn't always see eye to eye and I was scared of him. My relationship is different with him now but I still feel like a child when with my parents most of the time and I do right now too.

I can feel the fear and hear my parents shouting because dad has come home from the mess drunk (he didn't do it often). I then go to boarding school and have another fear because I was away from home and I missed my parents so much it still hurts now and I'm in floods of tears. I don't feel safe right now I am that 10 year old girl who has no one, I just wants my mum and im scared about starting a new school and having no one to talk about the first day with as my sister doesn't want to really know me. I cry myself to sleep at night cuddling a soft toy because I'm hurting, I'm cuddling the same toy now.

Sorry if this makes no sense I just needed to share it with people who would understand how I'm feeling right now.
#6
How much distress do you have to be in to be taken seriously. My GP and the Crisis team referred me to a Psychiatrist, I had an assessment and they added in meds then referred me back to GP care.

I get the sense I'm not believed that I have unwanted thoughts, flashbacks, jumpy all the time, not sleeping well, feel suicidal most of the time, I self harm and have issues around food.
Yet I don't seem to being getting any help, they have put me on a waiting list for a core skills group which is basically CBT which does not work for me so it's feels like they have put me forward for the group just to keep me quiet and look like they are trying to help.

I appreciate the current situation in the world makes things difficult but I feel like i don't matter.

Am I just being over sensitive? Is there more I can do?
I have rang the duty team and out of hours when needed and they don't help either.
Am at a loss 😭😭😢😢
#7
RE - Re-experiencing Trauma / Unusual trigger
June 23, 2020, 10:28:24 PM
So this is my first post and I just need to talk to someone who would understand how I'm feeling.
Earlier this evening I was walking my dog when another pushed its head through the fence barking- this frightened me and triggered a flashback.
What happened to me did not involve dogs so I'm wondering if it was the fear itself that likely triggered the flashback. I was back there again and felt afraid as I couldn't stop what was happening.

I tried telling my partner that I'm struggling right now and crying in which he responded " don't worry, I was crying at a sad part on a programme earlier" (we don't live together). I know he means well but that really doesn't help me right now.