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Hello,

I'm a bit tormented concerning talking with my two sisters about the CSA I endured by F.

It wouldn't have occurred to me to bring this up until quite recently. I have been doubting about the CSA for quite long, suspecting myself to have unconsciously made up the story. But I am no longer at this stage, I had experienced rough flashback and memory recovering during therapy, making me confident that I wasn't being crazy. 
Furthermore, I talked with my F sister (my aunt), and she disclosed to me that he perpetrated CSA to her (he was 15 and she 7). She now refuses to be in the same place as him, as he attempted 2 years ago to get his hand in her panty.  While this talk was very hard emotionally, it reinforced my conviction, I was no longer the only one (to my knowledge) that he abused.

Being now certain about the reality of what he did, I wonder and fear that my sisters could have been CSA victim as well. Thinking about this possibility breaks  my heart, but I think to have a moral duty to have a talk with each one, at least to inform them of what he did to me. If one of them was abused, such a talk could spare her some years of horrible doubts and pain.

I am not really afraid of them not believing if I disclose. Both my S are now refusing to take a call from F, as he used to psychologically harass them for too long. I am the elder child, four year older than my first S. We had some talk about him where she told me it would be better for everyone if he finally killed himself. This sounds quite extreme, even to me at the time, given that she isn't at all violent.
In that context, I don't think that it's likely for her to defend him against me, which would be devastating for me. Yet I can't figure out a way to talk to her about this, I am afraid to put something  so heavy on her shoulders that will break her. Thinking about this possible talk makes me feel nauseous and helpless, but I really feel that my duty is to let her know, because it will help her in acknowledging and healing if she was also abused.

I would be glad to have other views than mine on this situation. It is hard for me to think clearly about the potential risks and benefits of disclosing to them, I can't cope with the emotional load. All views are welcome, I might haven't think of something important, so please don't hesitate to give me honest opinions.

Cheers 

Hi everyone,

First, please excuse my English, as it's not my native language and I am prone to grammar errors.

I reached outofthestorm website while searching information about family roles (hero, scapegoat...).

Browsing outofthestorm revealed a very comprehensive list of resources concerning heavy problem I do suffer from. This made me wanted to try to interact in the forum.

I was sexually abused by my father during quite some time. It's been 10 month that I'm in therapy (cognitive oriented), and 2 months maybe that I started to acknowledge the emotional pain.
I guess the daily problems I face are similar to some members : extreme panic attack (when you cannot do anything but lie in pain), being anxious most of the time, sense of imminent doom, substance abuse, feeling over guilty, depression, intense shame...

These problems are, in my experience, very hard to express verbally to a medical doctor.  Even writing about them was nearly impossible for me some time ago, so I think therapy is helping.

I have been exchanging by mail with a woman survivor for some weeks now. Although it rise intense emotions, I founded these exchanges to be very meaningful and helpful. They somewhat validate my own experiences and feelings through her own experiences and feelings.
I mean, numerous problems are very similar for her and I, although we aren't the same gender and not the same country. It helps me not to see me crazy if someone else is going through the same kind of heavy problem. Of course, there is also an emotional dimension, I have genuine affection and empathy for her and care about her.

I think I might now benefit and be helpful in a more open area. I am keeping the exchanges with my friend, but I want to have the opportunity to talk "in public" (in a forum). I am not sure if I am being clear.

Cheers