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Hi, i dont talk much here and frankly its very much a shame for me talking about this but it's making me feel so bad and confused about things

A warning, this have a  lot of uncomfortable situations that I will describe it that may be sexual assault. I still don't know very well, I was talking to a friend about it and how it makes me uncomfortable and she freaked out a bit.

So context, I was sexually abused by my grandfather at 6 or 7 and told my mother immediately. She believed me it looked like but we lived with him and didn't have what to do until later.

I was also sexually abused by my step father during years but never told my mom, and she looks like she doesn't know, even if that man did things like slap my * in front of her or talk about my body.

The situations that I don't know what it is, it's with my mother. She is always kinda creepy, she married my step father when she was 36 and him 19 or 20, she kissed my sis-in-law's brother and a friend of my brother. They were all +18 but really younger than her. I have someone who told me she kissed/slept with a woman one time. (I'm female)

She until today do things that are weird (I still live with her but finally got my first job so maybe I can get out soon) If I'm passing by her she will slap my * or like put the hands in my hips pulling me to her in a weird way. She talks about my body a lot and if I don't want to change clothes in front of her on porpoise she gets mad. Until I was 15 she made me kiss her in the mouth (not full French kisses just minor ones) and until today she jokes sometimes about kissing me.

Things she did since i was younger or a kid, she insinuated a lot about her sexual life to me, showed me products from sex shops and even tried to take me to one being a minor a lot, she showed me her sexy costumes like nurse or etc. She on porpoise talked to me like "put your headphones, we're going to the bedroom" so she could have sex with my step father knowing I would know about it.
 
Also at least one time that I remember I wake up as a kid in the middle of the night and she was having loud sex with my step father and I called her, she just told me to sleep and a little later continued to have sex.

Since always, with my dad (who died when I was 6) they would watch movies with sexual scenes when I was in the room and at least make out (I was a kid don't remember much but my sister in law that is 10 years older than me knew him for a bit and told me about it)

She also would shower with me until a lot later than needed and loves taking her clothes in the middle of the house and sometimes joke about her body.

Idk if im overthinking, my friend say it was sexual abuse but maybe I'm exaggerating things, so could anyone tell me what this means???

[alert of child sexual abuse triggers]

Im not really used to posting here, i think i only did my first post here and after was really scared but i need someone to talk about this, really.

So this is a alert of child sexual abuse triggers because that's the main trauma i need to talk about

As I said sexual abuse from when I was a child is my major trauma, and the worse was during years with my ex stepfather but even being years I remember not much of it, I just know it started soon when I was 7 and he got with my mother and escalated continuing until they broken up when I was 13. But in the last months, I'm having sometimes panic attacks with what I think can be flashbacks remembering more memories, i just don't know if I can trust them bc what I remembered before was sexual abuse but not so far as these memories. Like in one of the flashbacks I remembered straight up rape where before it was just his finger for what I knew. And yesterday in a panic attack I saw the memory of him covering my mouth and penetrating me (idk with what exacly) and really angry but in other memories he wasn't so angry at those times. But he was angry during a lot of times especially bc he physically abused me and my mom too and they used drugs so could have happened. Idk I'm so confused i wanna believe but at the same time not and I can't see Professionals now.

Hi, first i wanna say english is not my first language so sorry. Im 18 and foung this and wanted to get some community and help because I'm sure I have cptsd.

I will say my history very simple and try to not get graphic. I'm a child of drug addicts so mom and dad here always fighting bc of this, domestic violence and I i was emocionally abused and some things that are maybe sexual abuse. My dad died of overdose when I was 6, then I was sexually abused by my grandpa, later my mom remarried and from 7-13 I was sa'ed by my stepfather who were also addicted and I was abused emotionally and sometimes physically by him and my mom, and they also fighted a lot, he would hit my mother.

I also moved more than 20 times, money was always tight and I was neglected a lot.

Now I still live with my abusive mother who assaults me sexually sometimes and is abusive and her new husband who is emotionally abusive threats to hit me and hit her one time.

It's been a while since I think I have cptsd and I feel so bad but can't get out of here yet.