Hi CreativeCat,
I had a MIL that used to roll her eyes and give a pffft sound whenever I tried to have a discussion. It's humiliating to say the least. I told my wife (ex) that I no interest in talking to her mom about anything. What she was doing was invalidating. That in and of itself is abuse because it demeans a person to being unimportant. Your views, opinions, thoughts and actions are constantly criticized by usually, not so subtle verbal or facial expressions. It is also disrespectful and contemptuous.
If you continue to try and maintain civility with people who treat you in such fashion, personally, I would give them fair notice that anymore of that behavior would not be tolerated by you and continuing to do so may result in no contact and that may even include your children when you do have them. You may be surprised at how blunt you will have to be. Reclaiming your self identity with them is not easy.
I have a sister who is a classic invalidating PD, I tried subtle, that didn't work, then I let her have it, she still doesn't get it, so I've been no contact for 5 months now.
It seems that the older she has gotten, the worse she gets, to the point that a couple of her friends reached out to me for help and advice when dealing with her. One told me that after a weekend visit, that she feels derailed and it takes her several days to recover. I told both of them about invalidating PD, and they had their eureka moment. They both are in avoidance mode now. That's really sad as she has many fine qualities, but her incessant need to criticize and run their lives is a real downer for them.
What I see now in her is a lot of my father. Dad was highly critical of us as kids and was physically and emotionally abusive. I ended up with C-PTSD, a brother committed suicide and another sis didn't make it to 50.
My dad was a cop and once when my son was about 5, he tried pulling his instant accusation and condemnation crap on my son, it triggered me and I flat out told him that if he tried that again, he'd never see his grandson again. His dog was following my son around his pool and growling menacingly at my son. I yelled at his dog and then my dad comes out and berates my son, when he didn't even see what was going on!
Life has been a real learning experience for me, especially coming to terms with what Dad did to me. Understanding and dealing with people has meant an all shields up barrier to some people who are way out of bounds with me. I refuse to be anybody's whipping boy.
I hope my story helps you.
Inventor
I had a MIL that used to roll her eyes and give a pffft sound whenever I tried to have a discussion. It's humiliating to say the least. I told my wife (ex) that I no interest in talking to her mom about anything. What she was doing was invalidating. That in and of itself is abuse because it demeans a person to being unimportant. Your views, opinions, thoughts and actions are constantly criticized by usually, not so subtle verbal or facial expressions. It is also disrespectful and contemptuous.
If you continue to try and maintain civility with people who treat you in such fashion, personally, I would give them fair notice that anymore of that behavior would not be tolerated by you and continuing to do so may result in no contact and that may even include your children when you do have them. You may be surprised at how blunt you will have to be. Reclaiming your self identity with them is not easy.
I have a sister who is a classic invalidating PD, I tried subtle, that didn't work, then I let her have it, she still doesn't get it, so I've been no contact for 5 months now.
It seems that the older she has gotten, the worse she gets, to the point that a couple of her friends reached out to me for help and advice when dealing with her. One told me that after a weekend visit, that she feels derailed and it takes her several days to recover. I told both of them about invalidating PD, and they had their eureka moment. They both are in avoidance mode now. That's really sad as she has many fine qualities, but her incessant need to criticize and run their lives is a real downer for them.
What I see now in her is a lot of my father. Dad was highly critical of us as kids and was physically and emotionally abusive. I ended up with C-PTSD, a brother committed suicide and another sis didn't make it to 50.
My dad was a cop and once when my son was about 5, he tried pulling his instant accusation and condemnation crap on my son, it triggered me and I flat out told him that if he tried that again, he'd never see his grandson again. His dog was following my son around his pool and growling menacingly at my son. I yelled at his dog and then my dad comes out and berates my son, when he didn't even see what was going on!
Life has been a real learning experience for me, especially coming to terms with what Dad did to me. Understanding and dealing with people has meant an all shields up barrier to some people who are way out of bounds with me. I refuse to be anybody's whipping boy.
I hope my story helps you.
Inventor