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Hi there,
Sorry if i got your messafe later than intended. I haven't been on the site for awhile. The coincidences were a  little too close to home to not feel a bit paranoid. Oculoictus especially. I also googled living fetishes because i encountered a client at the behavioral health facility that i volunteer at and that's beyond random and serendipity. It made me too paranoid to get back on my computer for awhile and i even put my pone in the fridge with the SIM card removed. Like i said, i'm a little crazy. . Schizoaffective Disorder and PTSD are not good bed fellows. But i wanted to thank you for sharing your troubles with me. It helps t know tat I am not alone in my struggles and not stupid for having them. than k you so much. I also turned in my last knife to my BHW and I completely get the security blanket thing. It was the same for me. I kept er for a very long time. she was perfect, discreet easy to hide and clean. I even named her and i know it sounds nuts but i would talk to her during the rittual test up that i had. I named her Alice. And it as hard letting her go. but i did it and am very proud of myself for it. I still think about doing it more often than i would like to but i rarely carry it out and i would like to think of that as progress.
Thank you again. It really means allot that you took the time to share with me your struggles as well. You are good people don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Hi there. I don't like to use my real name on the internets but people call me Six. Don't know why, they just do. Any who. I read your little tidbit and ihop that I am not too late to offer some assistance or at least a cyber shoulder to lean on. I'm 33 and i still struggle with the impulse of SI. It's hard. It's allot of why I had to leave the city and the people that I care about. I isolate, was ashamed, embarrassed, in pain,and in tears. But i think what made me feel the worst was that I liked it. i actually like it. It was instant gratification and i can't even spell patience, let alone abide by it. So it is difficult. I hop e that i can help you at east a little. First off, don't beat yourself up about it. It happened lets move forward to keep  the good things rolling. I try to find other coping tools when i feel like i need to cut or dent my car again with my fist. I usually get online and google the most random thing i can think of. For example, today I googled what the official term is for someone with a licking fetish. I got Oculolictus. Which is the fetish of licking eyeballs. Random right? then I go looking for forums or something t not these people because i want a glimpse of their world. doesn't always work, but its something. I listen to allot of music, usually mellow complex stufg/ Hey, don't  you like radiohead?? I love them. Anyway, please, if you can, try tp resort/ O
t da,m near impossible in the beginning and i'm still kinda right there with you on that one. But i finally turned in my very last knife to my BHW . It was so hard to let her go. She was like a security blanket for me. Please feel free to email me anytime that you just want to vent or have a virtual penal or whatever. I want to help you and i think that you can help me. We  got this!

Hullo,
I've never used a forum or chat room support before so bare with me here. Not gonna lie, it's kinda weird.

I developed CPTSD pretty early on, lots of compound trauma from the start. Dad is a true blue psychopath and i seem to just have some general bad luck. ever hear the phrase if it weren't for bad luck, i wouldn't have any at all? That about sums it up, but i just kept rolling with the punches (literally) and here i am. I have had insomnia since i can remember, when i do sleep it's riddled with nightmares and therefore restless. Also part of the reason i finally got enough gumption to register here.

After a series of recent very unfortunate events, i slightly damaged my brain, resulting in a development of psychosis. This means that i have visual and auditory hallucinations, all pretty terrifying. But keeps things interesting right? It's only been about 2 years since this development so i am very much a rookie when it comes to coping with it. I'm just looking for support, connections, and distractions to further my growth in this process.

I was a firefighter/EMT for about 8 years, i loved my job and the experiences it brought. I'm a bit of an adrenaline junkie so running into fires seemed like a GREAT idea, plus, i got to help alot of people, cut up cars, play with fire, and drive a big red truck with pretty lights and sirens. I was forced to resign due to an accident that resulted in the loss of my sight. I have no central vision but i do have peripheral so i still see things that aren't really there. It's only been a year, almost to the day, and it has been a huge adjustment and a very great loss.

My mood hasn't exactly been chipper and i do get a little angry about it when encountering daily obstacles like putting  toothpaste on my toothbrush and plugging things into outlets. That was hard when i could see! what gets me the most is that i can no longer ride my motorcycle. She's my happy place, my biggest coping tool. But all in all i think that i'm handling it fairly well..

I found that CPTSD tends to isolate and trap you, i've been feeling very reclusive and blue. The psychosis makes me pretty paranoid, confused, and i'm sure fairly entertaining to those on the outside. I feel pretty lonely and like i really need to make an effort to connect with others who fight the same battles and bare similar scars.

I know this was long, and I am sorry. I really didn't know what was expected of a first post ever. so i apologize if it's a bit much. I look forward to connecting with and hopefully helping and supporting others here. Thanks for your time

***Also as a disclaimer I am a total smart alec, it's both my nature and my defense, but it all comes form a playce of love and humor and i am not afraid of saying i am sorry if i am ever too abrasive. so please take no offense and be honest if i ever bother you with it. I'm not looking to push any more people away. ****