Messages

hang in there. Things can get better. Takes a lot of hard work.

hima

i am the 2nd born child in my family unit and the last child... interesting... And the one with all the noticable symptoms and issues.

hima

laynelove, i can so relate..i obsess about all the abuse that happened to me and have a lot of intrusive thoughts about it.

hima

lostanafraid, sorry to hear you lived through all that. Glad you are in therapy... i hope you can find some healing and peace.

hima

zyprexia 5mg... increaesed to 10mg for PMT time.. with 2.5mg use as needed.
Lexapro 20mg an anit depressent.

i would not be able to cope without medication. 1st started taking meds in sept. 1995.

hima

i cant watch horror movies as i freak out and then at night i think something terrible is going to happen.

hima

i am run by my emotions a lot... when i am down it is so hard to do anything.

reading about mindfullness might be helpful... as in Acceptance and Commitment therapy.

hima

i do the all or nothing also... worried they will know how tense i am so i look right in the persons eyes then worried i am scaring them with my intensity... then i feel like nothing i say matters and i am talking up too much time so i look away....

hima

i isolate like that also.. and sometimes use sleep as an escape..i can relate...  i have felt like such a freak.

hima

aply1, thanks for the hug and standing with me  
So good to find this place.. I have been reading some of the posts... i really feel that CPTSD is what i have... it is such a relief to understand what has been happening to me...

Creativity is such a great outlet. I did pottery in my 1st year of my visual arts degree at university.. clay feels so soothing Great to know so many of us here are creative... i guess that is how we survived !

hima

oohh and K.. thanks for the hug

Kayfly, thanks for the understanding words... sorry you have suffered also... yep i isolate a lot... have for years and I am sure it contributes to my depressions... but i dont know how else to live... I am socialising to tiny extents now with my daughter's friend's mothers.

I am a visual artist... been working with colour pencil at the moment... also like to write but it is hard to get my head together... I have written short fictional stories but just for myself.

isolation is so hard as a kid... and trauma with no support network is so much worse.

Thanks for welcoming me.

hima

hi, i grew up in domestic violence and isolation... no telephone... in the middle of no where.. no escape... went to school that was about it... parents took drugs... they could no cope. I was sexually abused at age 17 and thought there was no escape... then ended up in a locked ward of a psych hospital with no escape. hard to write about. Had other sexual abuse also and emotional... often feel suicidal especially around my period time. I am a mother of one daughter... to messed up to have more children... i am sort of married... we got divorced as my moods etc were to much... but we got back together. I have anger issues.. isolation... unable to socialise much... feel like a freak most of the time. I am an artist... studied art... got a degree... unable to work ... on a disability pension. Found this site... was looking for support... just before my period now... feeling like i cant cope.