Hi. My name is Elizabeth. When I was sixteen I went to live in France for a year as an exchange student, with two different host families who were both abusive in totally different ways. I think the second family is what did this lasting damage though because I came to them as though they were my saviors after the first people. I had no defences up. I had no other resources in that country. I totally embraced them and I don't really think about the rest of it. I was never physically abused. I feel so stupid. I should have done better and I didn't, I couldn't. I'm trying to get some help now. It's been seven years. I'm going back home in a few weeks and my parents are arranging for me to see a shrink. I'm in the first serious relationship of my life and I've been having panic attacks, crying fits, I've left without saying anything a couple of times because I felt like my chest was going to explode. The last few days, just after I had a sort of a revelation and took some control over my actions, I have had bad physical symptoms. Nausea, high heart rate, waves of heat, hyperventilating, blankness, dizziness, exhaustion. I've been sleeping so much. That's why I'm on here, it's worse than it's ever been. Thank you for being here and letting me say these things to you.