Messages

[Social Anxiety - Navigating Social Situations when Depressed and Anxious]

Social Anxiety - Navigating Social Situations when Depressed and Anxious

One day I have a smile on my face and then the next day I can't help but look at the ground all the time. My body language reflects how I feel inside and it's difficult to wear a happy mask all the time because, when I am depressed, I have very little energy  to maintain that external fluff.
Antidepressants help with this issue but I get used to a new dose quickly and then my doc has to increase it.
This is another reason why I tend to stay to myself in social situations.

My plan is to make sure my medication dose is adjusted properly and to try and practice social skills when I feel less vulnerable. I am going to do some volunteer work while preparing for a job search.

The big question is how to fall asleep at night and wake up at the right time every morning.
I've had trouble with this one for more than 10 years. Gotta think of some solutions before I get a full-time job  .

[DecimalRocket]

DecimalRocket, thanks for understanding

Are you up to asking this person directly why they don't want to be involved now Ruby?   I found that I assumed a lot of things about people's behaviour that were not the case and that when I started asking people directly there were reasons I hadn't thought of.

This is a good way of dealing with uncertainty in relationships.

I am not always brave enough to do it but sometimes I have asked people directly and it really helped clarify things for all parties involved.

I don't mean to offer offence, but you don't really mention what you think this person might have been feeling.

This is a good point. I misjudged the situation when the person continued to pursue me despite me pulling away.
I think we had different needs and I wasn't satisfying his needs. So he left. Good for him.

No offence, Rainagain. Thanks for reflecting this back to me.

I sometimes get lost in my dark emotions to the point where I struggle to see reality.

I suspect he felt rejection after the dates were cancelled, and has now met someone else who is more available.

I hope so )) The only thing I am confused about is why he continued to ask me out if he knew he wasn't interested  anymore. Just to experience the fun of dumping me?
Well, thanks for that because I've learned what not to do in relationships. So I don't feel hurt by that at all.

I would have let my date know right away if I felt mistreated and then if they continued to cancel on me, I would've just left them. Why message me for so long and then disappear on me?
I think I am too wrapped up in my unresolved needs to be dealing with others in a close relationship setting.  Well, maybe this coin has a positive side to it... Like spending more time working and saving $$ for my funeral retirement. lol

You can't easily pause a relationship until you have time for it, the other person will tend to resist being controlled to that level and they will move on.

Friends with benefits may do that, but in a trusted relationship that shouldn't happen. I agree.

I have also had failed relationships caused by my struggle with major depressive disorder, I suppose I have sympathy for both sides.

Have you managed to get to the point where your struggle with depression does not interfere with your social or love life?

I wonder if work is all I will have energy for - and that is if I am lucky.

Hi Rivka

Welcome.

This is a great community and I hope you will keep us posted on how things go with your partial hospitalization program.

Hi roro,

How's your month going so far?

I have two job interviews this month for full-time, permanent work (it took years to get to this point), and I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed and ambivalent about whether I want the jobs and whether I'll succeed.

This is amazing!  I can relate when you say "it took years" to get here. You are so strong.

How are things with your job hunt so far?

Once again, I'm happy for you that you've come this far. 

Hi again, people. I have a question about dating with severe depression.

I started seeing someone earlier this winter. And then I had a bad relapse. I was open and honest with that person and told him about my condition and that I was very interested in him and wanted to continue dating him. He told me he was very interested as well and agreed to wait until April. I had to cancel a few dates on him because I was hoping I could still do it but later learned I did not have any energy to go out. I also had tons of homework and 7 college courses on my plate.

School's over but the person, who messaged me many times while I was taking care of my issues, now does not want to see me.

Why make all these promises and then ghost me like that? Was that revenge? Did I hurt his feelings when I asked to wait for me a couple of months?

This is not the 1st time this happens to me. Do people find it offensive when I tell them I am going through  stuff and would like to take some time off?

I don't know if there is a way to explain to someone who's healthy what it's like living with severe treatment resistant depression. It gets worse when I have lots of stress in my life, and that's exactly what I was going through trying to complete those 7 courses.

Thanks so much, guys. It is very encouraging to see your kind words.



I love napping. It's very healing. I had to start taking anti-anxiety pills again. Hopefully, it's just a phase.
Sorry I didn't respond right away. Was very overwhelmed with my 7 college courses - but now it's all over and I am very happy about that.

So grateful that this discussion board exists.

I am going through a relapse.

Things are falling apart.

It is difficult to communicate with people, to concentrate on my work, to get enough sleep.

Just gotta survive this somehow.

Hopefully my doc will prescribe an antidepressant.

sanmagic7, thanks for your kind words ))

Hi Everyone

Would you have any tips on how to figure out when to stop chasing after certain types of people.

I am female, so I don't chase aggressively but I do let them know if I am interested.
Yes, rejection is normal and it happens to all of us... But how do I know I am trying to date guys that will never find me attractive?
When does the normal rate of rejection end and the signs that I should re-think my dating goals begin?

I am using online dating apps and am looking for someone who is a nerdy guy, who is into all things thechy, who is over 32 a bit underweight. 

3 out 5 dates turned me down. And the ones who liked me - unfortunately, I did not feel a connection.
Is that a warning sign? Or is that normal?

For some reason, it's the ones I like that end up ditching me.

Blueberry, wearing perfume sounds like a nice idea. I'll try it tomorrow )
It's also great to have some energy to do things during the day.

I am not doing much cleaning or anything like that today, just finishing up the work I have to do on my computer.  Add watching web development  tutorials on YouTube. Happy to have my ability to concentrate back.

Hi again

I come here to find new recovery tips and ideas.

Physical exercise seems to help.

I've signed up for fitness classes and have been going for the past 3 weeks. I tend to feel better when I work out.

But then on other days I stay home, work on my computer(I have to), and end up feeling very isolated and depressed. Breaking the cycle is difficult because my social anxiety goes out of proportion and I have to make a lot of effort to even go grocery shopping.

The only thing I am looking forward to is the JavaScript workshop this weekend

I will be spending the holidays alone and this is the tenth year I end up like this.
Not sure what to do because I have tried different things but feeling lost now.

Have you been isolated because of overwhelming pain? I don't know how to interact with people when I'm like this. I feel I have no skin.

Wanted to volunteer and serve Xmas dinner at an elderly people's place, but with my low energy level and social anxiety I don't think they will enjoy my presence. When I'm this low I tend to burn food. I feel afraid to even look at people so intense my internal pain is.

I worked so hard to avoid this scenario this year and here it all coming at me again.
I am a mess, can't even go get some groceries as that triggers tons of intense emotions and mental pain.

[Visual Thinking & Negative Thinking]

Visual Thinking & Negative Thinking

I am a very visual person. Lately, I've been researching Jungian psychology.  I am really curious about how to interpret those symbols that my mind throws at me in dreams or daydreams. And, once I interpret these images, the next step would be to take that message and do something about it in the real world, to actually listen to my Authentic Self and then do something. I believe it is important to take action, in my case at least, because I want to follow through and actually change my situation. I can't just think myself out of it. I need to do things to teach my body and my brain new habits.

But how do I actually do it?

It takes some practice to be able to translate visuals into, say, written language. Some people on Youtube actually teach how to synchronize brain hemispheres. Apparently, that makes it easier to interpret dreams and symbols that come from the depths of the unconscious mind. My question is how do I actually get things done once I know what I need to work on.

I do better when there's structure. It's kinda hard for me to get organized all by myself. I need that physical environment sometimes to remind me to keep going (like school deadlines, lol  ) Like, I know I am stuck in this destructive pattern of a rebel who ends up destroying herself. Now that I have interpreted the image, how do I devise a plan to change myself? I am not sure what I need exactly to mature and move forward. Just random ideas like get therapy, eat healthy, join a WRAP support group, volunteer and learn new skills for work and for fun, read.... Yeah, but... Something is missing. Not sure what it is yet. So I will keep searching.

CBT and Jungian analysis come together

Here's one idea I find interesting - combining CBT and Jungian approaches. Take the rebel story I am working with as an example. I want to stay mindful about the symbols that I get and also to be mindful of what I think about these symbols and  my interpretations of them. Right now I am feeling afraid of what this rebel story means to me. I am not where I want to be, and what if it is a dangerous situation to be in! At the same time, I don't want to catastrophize it(CBT thought distortion). Trying to stay neutral or be positive about it. I can re-frame it and find new ways of looking at it.



P.S. I make some of the words here bold just so it is easier for you to scan through my posts. Hope it helps and is not too annoying.