Messages

Hi Beth,
The part when you talk about people "don't getting it" and you "couldn't explain" really hit me. It's the same with me. I feel like I could spend years explaining it but my people would still would not get it, and it's a hard place to be. I'm sorry you feel lonely and abandoned. This is a experience I think a lot of us feel. I hope you can find comfort in knowing you are not alone in how you feel and that we get it.
Sending you support! Also sending pets to your pup!
 

Hello everyone, I'm 31 y/o (female)  dealing with CPTSD from my childhood, chronic depression and S.A. related trauma.

I've been in therapy for 17 years, and I have been making good progress. Now I live in a different country than my family and abuser. I have an incredible husband and a supportive therapist, but it's still so hard.

I've been reading a lot in the past couple of years. I started with a book about Emotionally Immature parents by Lindsay C. Gibson. My parents are extremely emotionally immature, my mom also has some narcissistic behaviors and my dad deals with severe alcoholism. Next I read Reclaiming Pleasure by Holly Richmond, which helped me understand my S.A. trauma.

I thought I was doing really well but about  a month ago my 16 year old cat passed away, and my mother, even from a different continent, managed to still use me as her emotional dumpster. And I felt just like how I felt after my S.A's. I felt worthless. I should be mourning the cat that saved my life but instead I was thrown into a spiral of self-hatred. This situation opened my eyes to how deep my childhood wounds go.

Now I started to read Pete Walker's CPTSD book and I'm so relieved but also terrified.  I am very self-isolating and my inner critic is working overtime telling me it wasn't that bad, that I'm crazy and making things up, that I don't deserve to call myself a survivor. But I want to be seen and (maybe selfishly?) validated. I want to know I'm not insane. Sometimes I don't even feel real, as if all I've been through does not exist outside my head, cause no one knows.

Well, now you guys do. I'm glad I found this group and hope to be able to engage with you all.