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So I get really bad nightmares sometimes, but these days never in the middle of the night, they usually happen when I go back to sleep after my body wakes me up too early and I'm still tired.

I don't know why this is though but if I dont try to get that extra sleep I will be really tired from waking up too early. But at the same time if I do I get nightmares.

Most of the time I want to live but sometimes I get triggered by issues that seem impossible to fix at the time and I feel like Im not so sure. Its really painful to get your hopes up and have them fail you over and over, you know? Its a hard place to be to be honest.

I have a therapist I talk to, but no friends close enough to talk deep stuff with.

I'm also frustrated because I've been applying to so many part time jobs and haven't gotten even an interview. I know the job market is hard now but I just feel so helpless and like I'll never get a job, I'll never be able to be financially independent and not have to rely on my parents.

It feels like no one's coming to help, you know?

An angry sibling in a dysfunctional, abusive family and parents who don't hold children accountable for behaviour like this is common sadly.

This seems to be something that happened a few summers back. Is she still behaving the same way towards you?

She hasn't done anything physical so far but I haven't spend much time around her this summer for obvious reasons.

I'm pretty sure my sister hit me and stuff more when we were younger but I can't remember for sure. But nowadays she does more covert stuff like touching me in other ways I dislike including poking, tickling, grabbing, etc.

But a more overt example happened a couple summers ago. I'm just going to vent it here because I haven't told the story to anyone outside of my family.

She had been bullying me a lot that summer, and it was getting really annoying, but one day we started getting along, and so decided to do an activity together. We started painting pictures together at the dining room table.

At first it was completely normal and serene, and I was having a good time. We were laughing and talking. Then suddenly my sister got up and walked behind me and grabbed me by the neck from behind painfully. I think she said something to me but I forget it, I guess because of dissociation.

Anyway, after that she went back to her seat like nothing happened. I got up and told my mom about it. When my mom confronted my sister she started crying, saying how I didn't even seem mad about it and she was just joking, and my mom didn't punish her because she always believes her when she cries for some reason.

I really don't get why she's so obsessed with hurting me. I fear maybe I did something mean to her as kids I can't recall and now she wants  to punish me forever or something. Weird.

I was suicidal about 3 months ago, was in therapy then and then got better, but now has been the first time I have been suicidal again.

I think for a while I have just accepted that I am weak and unable to defend myself or others, and accepted my life was going to be that way. But I feel like since going to more therapy my self esteem has raised and I don't want to live a life like that anymore, it's too disgusting.

My therapist told me to look at the facts before, since they can be distorted, but this is the facts. I'll never be strong enough to defend myself.

I feel really awkward writing this because I'm afraid I'm just making this up, so I might delete this later.

There are behaviours during my childhood that, looking back, concern me, because I'm worried they were signs of being SA'd.

However I don't remember actually being assaulted; the closest thing I recall is only some weird comments by my dad that were innapropriate for a kid in my opinion. For example, 'You have long eyelashes. If you bat those, the boys will do anything for you when you grow up.'

Even if the behaviours didn't happen due to SA, how can I bring them up to my therapist? I'm very shy when it comes to talking about intimacy and I even don't really like to say words like 'sex' around others 😖.

This is just a quick vent for me

I always forget my nightmares after they happen, but lately there is something about them I catch for a second that I can't put my finger on. Like it's a forgotten memory trying to communicate itself to me, but I don't know what it's trying to tell me.

For a while I have wondered if I might have autism, for a couple of reasons, but a big one is it seems so impossible how people can just interact with each other and make friends so easily. It seems like I'm from another planet from everyone in the socializing department.

I also have other things that make me question if I'm autistic, but I'm not sure if they are strong enough to say for sure they are from autism. For example disliking loud noises, fidgeting around a lot, and liking routine.

I'm not sure enough about having autism to go and get diagnosed, though.

However I have read that symptoms of CPTSD can be similar to autism.

Are any of you guys autistic or wondered if you were autistic before, but found out it was CPTSD instead? How did you find out the difference? Thanks!

When I am in an emotional flashback / triggered, I really don't like to be reminded of my body. I won't go into the nitty gritty of why, because I will likely trigger myself again if I do, but it's not because I don't feel attractive - it's more related to not feeling like my body is strong enough.

Does anyone else have problems with their body like this?

Thanks for reading!

I've noticed that in therapy, even when my therapist is just telling me something about what I said, I'm so scared that I revealed I did something bad or messed up.

In therapy I mentioned that I had had some forgotten memories resurface, including one that was painful.

It's equally disheartening and hope inspiring, because my therapist said this is a sign of healing. I am gaining insight in her words into some things that have made me feel anxious and depressed.

I told my therapist I have been getting more energy, which is also a sign of healing she said.

I'm a little hopeful and a little triggered now. However the triggered feeling isn't as strong as it used to be, which is way better feeling.

I told everyone my plan. I showed up at the house and rushed him into the car and drove off while a bunch of people were yelling at me. No one knew where I lived at that point, so it was easy to keep my distance.

Hi, sorry for this out of the blue, did your family try to find you, like call the police or anything? Thanks

Just finished visiting my aunt with my mom. I want to go NC with my mom but I was kinda testing my aunt to decide if I want to maintain contact with her or not. She has never been overtly cruel like my mom but we don't have much of a relationship.

I realized throughout the day that they treated me like I was some inanimate object. My aunt often talked to my mom like I wasn't there. I initiated some talking with her, which she returned, but she never initiated talking with me, or asked me about my life or my hobbies or whatever.

And then when we left, my mom driving me home, she didn't even ask me what was my favorite part of the day or anything like that.

It's disheartening to realize all my close family members don't really take an interest in me the way I crave, or know me on a deep level.

No one really knows me truly. And it's hard to make sense of why they don't try to.

My family was extremely upset with me when I took the family dog... It was a challenge to navigate at the time

How did you end up taking him? Did you sneak him out?