Menu

Show posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.

Show posts Menu

Messages - ScapeGoat69

#1
Your post resonates with me.  I am constantly being told to lower my voice. I've come to realize that not being heard my entire childhood affects the tone and volume of my voice. When folks say invalidating things to me or I mistakenly take them as invalidating, I raise my voice.  I become combative with people as I feel the anger rise up. 
My brother and I were named co-executors of my Moms Estate but I resigned because I live out of state.  Now I find myself repeatedly getting dysregulated when dealing with him, who due to his own trauma, is compulsive in asking me the same questions dozens of times and then ignoring my input.  It wasn't until now that I understand he treats me very poorly due to the role he assumed projecting toxic family dysfunction onto me.  I become extremely dysregulated and angry that he is delaying this process unnecessarily.  I just want it over.  :fallingbricks:  :stars:
#2
Hello-
Support group camaraderie helped me most during my life and once again I find myself in need of such company.  I am new here but not new to toxic family abuse.  I ran away from my family early by going away to college and living on my own right after.  My Mom, who passed last November at the the age of 97 was a narcissist.  My older sister became like Mom and my I didn't realize my brother was as traumatized as he is until the last year of Moms life.  It was a major triggering event for me.  I am the family scapegoat.  When my father passed away I was surprised at the love my siblings had for him.  When growing up I lived in fear of him.  Seems what I found so frightening was his righteous rage, only now do I understand what happened to him...and now me.
It took my entire life to finally release the decades of anger I repressed from my childhood. I am today so unlike the passive child I was. While that is healthy the massive dysregulation I feel is not.  So I post. 
Thank you for being a community of like minded folk who can help me heal.
ScapeGoat69