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I'm sorry you were treated this way. No parent should do this ever!

Hi Blue Moon. I couldn't believe I was seeing this issue in the title of your post. Hating being female started when I was young and is part of me that is deep down under all the other stuff as a survivor. I only see it clearly once in a while and it then floats back into the fog. Thank you for asking it.  My father was a misogynistic @$#%. In everything he did he inferred that girls were stupid, etc including the way he treated my mother.  My mother was an elegant woman who had no sense of herself that I saw, but only to serve my father and teach us kids how to not rock the boat or outshine our father. I sense now she was overwhelmed by motherhood and served as a elegant indentured slave to my father. If you've ever heard of Stockholm Syndrome where a captive person tries to saddle up to their captor for survival purposes and takes on their traits to win favor and not get too many beatings emotionally or physically that is what I did.  I learned being female was bad, worthless, etc before I was 8 years old. I tried to be more like a man which is too much to go into here but one thing I'll share is when I went into the job world and to a formal business setting I wrote pin stripe suits to fit in with the business attire of the men. I will say I want the only woman doing it either. It's interesting facet of my being but so deep it's not likely I'll ever touch in this lifetime as there is so much shame wrapped around it and I'm 66yo. I wish you well in your journey.

  it's hard to know how to say this so please accept it as genuine sorrow for what you're going through.  I've woken up triggered most mornings and battle with myself as to whether I'm really going to wake up and get out of bed.  It can take hours. Something I've learned to do is to literally talk outlook to what I'm feeling including to the past of my body I sense is most involved. I.e. I simply say I can tell you feel sad, scared, panic etc. And it seems like it's showing up on my throat, belly etc. I want to help even if I don't know everything.  Feel free to share with me. I will keep it safe.  It seems to calm my body down and then being silent for a bit and putting my right hand on my heart. Sometimes it calms down a bit but then rises again.  Just repeat it until you can feel a shift to calm in your body. You may or may not get a sense of what's going on but don't be surprise if it occurs to you in your mind someone afterwards or sometimes the past of screaming out just needed some love and comfort for the moment.  It has helped me wake up without sweating and wanting to die and also when I get panic impulses in my body for no visible reason. It's like Armee shared this is slow going stuff and growing into patience with our pain and fears. Peace to you.

 
Just starting to build a support system for recovering from emotional neglect and developmental/relational trauma. Diagnosed cPTSD in 2014 but no access to energy to research or available qualified therapist near me. I'm 66yo and live in the State of Oregon, USA.  Just got to a place where I could talk outloud to others after finding an online support group so I thought I would branch out a bit.