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The punishment they have, is to go on being who they are.

Yes.

So much food for thought and encouragement in your latest post.

 

And it was never up to me to make her happy in the first place.
I'm sad for her never being able to be happy though.

I am glad you wrote this. It may be hard to believe the first sentence emotionally even if you believe it logically. But it is TRUE. And being sad for her inability to be happy is a reasonable thing to feel, that anybody might feel.

As for the text - I don't think it's a bad message. But it doesn't matter what I think. Although you are struggling to forgive yourself for it - could you maybe at least see if you can let it go a little? Maybe even physically, like writing the word "sure" on a piece of paper and burning it. Having some more ashes might feel appropriate. I don't know. Just throwing a thought out there.

I'm sorry you are hurting right now, and that that physical pains have added themselves to the mix. I hope you are able to rest and nurture yourself.

 

I'm sorry you're dealing with wildfire smoke. I would hate that as I am bizarrely sensitive to the smell of smoke. I hope the fires end soon.

 

Yay for your grandson getting to drive on the big track! 

I'm sure you will all have a wonderful day.

Thank you for coming by to share your latest situation. I am really glad to read that you are able to access some therapy help that actually feels helpful.

I hope you may find some new avenues to help you. It's bad enough dealing with trauma as you know, so if there is anything else overlaying that then for sure it will be helpful to address it.

Please keep letting us know how you get on.

I have also had parts come up that I wasn't ready for/didn't want to look at/made me uncomfortable.

Thank you. This is helpful to read. I was discussing this very aspect with my T yesterday, because this teenage part and I do not really like one another right now. I found myself being quite dismissive of her when talking in a zoom group, saying she is a bolshy teenager and difficult. On reflection that did not sound at all supportive of teen NK and it is hardly surprising that she might be pretty wary of me if that is the way I am going to treat her. She has not appeared again and I was expressing to T that I was actually quite relieved about that in some ways. That I would much rather deal with the "nice" younger child. Which, again, is hardy supportive. And even that leads me to wonder whether some part was involved in the session with T because adult NK is perfectly capable of dealing nicely with teenagers, even bolshy ones, and not taking their more obnoxious behaviours to heart.

What did become clear in my discussion with T is that my teenage/young adult years were way more unpleasant than I care to remember. I have told T in the past about that time but mostly in a detached "this is what happened" sort of a way, while denying I was bothered at all in the here and now.

It is intellectually very interesting to consider the concept of parts - but emotionally I find it very challenging.

Hope all goes well, and that you will pop in to see us at some point in the future.

Take care.

 

Hello, and welcome. I am sorry for all that you have been through but glad you have found us. I hope the neighbours DV has been halted by the police report. Well done for finding the courage to make the report.

I hear so many people saying " your soul chose your parents"

If that is the case, I wonder what on earth I ever did to my soul!!!

I am glad you have found the book helpful. It's interesting, I think, how we can pick things up at the right time for us.

I think it is probably a necessary part of healing. Rewiring the brain is actually exhausting work. Any re-building of the body is. Think how tired you are when you are ill. I find myself gravitating towards a particularly mindless Internet game aimed at 8 year olds when I am emotionally drained but don't actually want to sleep.

What is worth considering, I guess, is prioritising what is important to you in terms of productivity. Then you can gear your energy towards what YOU want or need to achieve for your own wellbeing. Being productive for the sake of it can be a sign that we are pushing trauma away, as Kizzie has suggested. I think it can also be a sign of us doing what we think we need to do for acceptance from others.

You have done an excellent job, both of piecing all this together and, most importantly, of befriending yourself.

It is a very strange experience to find out we do not really know who we are and then having to find out, all by ourselves, with no help from our parents. This process should have been well on the way by the end of childhood.

I am really happy that you awoke and re-calibrated. The fact your parents hated it was very likely an extra indicator that it was the right thing to do. I know from my own experience that when I get pushback and objection from mine it is certainly not because they have my best interests at heart.

 

Also, as a kid we have no choice but to fit in to the family system we are stuck with. We learn to play our part. There is routine with school (which also gives time away from FOO) but not yet the looming or actual requirements of adult life. A child also usually still thinks their life is normal, even if they have some emerging misgivings. So it is easy to fall into a state that feels superficially "happy" because we don't know any different.

College and young adulthood can be a very challenging time even for people with "normal" circumstances.

Welcome, Edie. I'm glad you are far away from your abusers

Welcome. I'm glad you found us.

Welcome. I'mg glad you found us, and well done for finding the courage to make your post.