Messages

wow,  I haven't been here in a long time.  So much has happened,  my wife had cancer removed from her intestine,  she is still recovering.  I am not sure where we stand anymore.  When I leave the house i always say I love you,  she responds with, "have fun at work"   I have been working days and nights,  it is almost too much.   I really need a break from everything for a month or two.   I have been drinking a lot again.    i thought i had that under control.   sometimes I feel like i do not have much time left.    i feel like the best days are behind me

hoping the surgery goes well....

a well desrved break,  i hope you make the most of it

Thank you NC and chart,   It would be nice if we all could be free from that,
  I rode my motorcycle yesterday,  haven't done that in a month,   did some things around the house today.  Really hoping to get busy with work soon.   I am going to take my resume to a few places tomorrow.   i can feel a depression episode creeping up on me,  doing my best to not let it happen

thank you everyone,   the bartending job didn't last long,  the bar closed.  it has been for sale for a few years,  hopefully it well sell soon and new owners will fix some of the issues.  a friend of mine didn't talk to me for 2 or 3 weeks,  she is now talking to me again like nothing happened.  i know it was my fault,  i don't know why i seem to question wether people like me or not,  but i think she gets tired of it.   I might have another night time bartending job ,  wating to hear,  day time jobs should get busy in a few weeks

Thank you Savanah,  i have been doing better,  i like going to the gym,  it would be nice to find a hobby.  I went to a few AA meetings,  and it was nice,  but i havent been in a while.  It was the only suport i have,  maybe i should go again

I made it through the holidays!!   I have been working a lot,  i started a nighttime job bartending at the bar i hang out at.  it has been good so far,  i like staying busy.  with being so busy i haven't been to the gym in 2 weeks,  going to go tomorrow morning.  I gave up on  trying to make others happy or like me, i think i was trying so hard,   and it feels good. 

Thank you,  I appreciate all of you ,  I think i will be ok tomorrow,  i just want this day to end

thank you NK and sanmagic,  Things have been good,  I have been sleeping better,  I still have days where i get depressed,   maybe that is normal.   just trying to be happy

Thank you everyone,   It has been confusing lately,   I feel normal,  I had several drinks saturday night,  but nothing bad happend.  I still get a little depressed and lonely  but i have been working through that.  i hope this can keep going