Messages

 

Telling you to put on your oxygen mask first was advice-y and dismissive and I'm sorry. I messed that one up! You know how to handle all this, you always have. I was just feeling protective of you which is not really my place.   

I care about you, San,  but my delivery was off.   

Yeah that's true Teddy Bear. I do wonder what causes one person to head toward a CPTSD presentation, one toward personality disorder, one toward schizophrenia, and one toward psychopathy.

Wow. Reciprocal empathy. That feels like the crux of growing up with a parent with a personality disorder.

I'm so sorry you are going through this phase of CPTSD. It's awful.

Putting them out of mind probably isn't the best long term because the content is coming up to be processed. If they are so bad you can't speak about then you can also try to get them out here in writing.

I understand, not being able to speak of them. Some of my nightmares have been so horrific that the only way I could speak of them with T was doing flash EMDR first before even trying to share. There's no way I could even say anything about them to anyone else.

 

It's beautiful what you are doing and also its important to put on your own oxygen mask too. Part of that is going to your T today. 

I hope this is something you can bring up with her and get some support or guidance on. 

 

Phenomenal progress and Happy Birthday! It IS a miracle

Definitely, Blueberry. I always thought I just had bad hand/eye coordination but then I participated in a trauma workshop that incorporated yoga and I noticed how strong the connection was between whether I could follow simple movements and how triggered and dissociated I was.

Im really glad people could join and found it to be useful. Like you Blueberry it was like no other yoga I've been too and it really felt trauma informed to me. No pressure and choice like you said. And other even slow or beginner yoga are too fasy to manage with the dissociative disconnect. Just figuring out which arm im supposed to move let alone all the other stuff going on in yoga is too much.

Teddy Bear,

They have these classes all the time but you have to register and pay a nominal fee...I can't remember how much...maybe $2USD or $10USD per session on a donation basis.

It can be hard to find the info though. Here's the link to sign up.

https://www.healwithcfte.org/classes

Hi. If you are able to read (ie focus on reading), one book I found really helpful in understanding dissociation was Janina Fisher's book Understanding the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors, or something like that.

Don't worry about the categories and diagnoses so much. They aren't that clean and clear cut anyway.

Figuring out how to identify when dissociation is starting and how to get yourself out of it once you notice it is more helpful in my experience. And then eventually figuring out what has triggered a dissociative episode and then working on processing those issues slowly.

Another resource I love is the website DIS-SOS.

 

That sounds about perfect.

Keep up all the good work Chart...

I like your new-found French voice in speaking up.

Preverbal trauma...yup. there from birth, you are absolutely right...
Dysfunctional parents aren't somehow in some functional bubble of bliss postpartum. In these families it stretches all the way back.

In my case drugs, alcohol, in-utero violence, and a mom who praised me for being such a good baby that she could leave me alone in my crib for hours and I'd never cry. Even a note in a baby book to ask the doctor "she never cries...is that normal?" I already gave up on help coming. Already deploying dissociation.

They did the best they could, no? [Insert maniacal laughter]

You are doing a phenomenal job figuring this stuff out, absorbing it, accepting it, and stopping the cycle. You should be incredibly proud.

 

 

This is the trauma sensitive yoga program that started as a companion to Bessel van der Kolk's trauma center. These folks are really good at providing space for free choice and gentle body movement. This is different from most yoga programs. It is very gentle and easy. You are offered full choice with  suggestions to consider, all online, very very trauma-informed, and cameras OFF.

Normally there is a registration process and small nominal fee for these but next week several sessions will be offered for free and without registration. I HIGHLY recommend these.

Times are Eastern United States time zone.

https://www.healwithcfte.org/e/BAh7BjoWZW1haWxfZGVsaXZlcnlfaWRsKwjMC9wPCQA%3D--ef29c79f39612544c7ee2f4eaff78e5a78931d9a?skip_click_tracking=true

 

I think you are so right and I am sending all the good vibes from the left coast that you can find a good T soon to help you titrate these feelings so the pain can be released and you can feel all the emotions you need to without being disabled by them.