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Topics - Dwonderer

#1
Hello,

I'm new to the forum. I briefly look at existing topic but it doesn't appear that there is a topic for what I'm looking for. If there is one and I somehow missed it, please let me know.

I have CPTSD just recently had a therapist officially diagnose me for PTSD though I have known for awhile that I have CPTSD (just didn't acknowledge the true extend). I was abused by my family since a kid up till I was 19 and I decided to remove myself from the situation. For me, it was the best decision I've ever made. For years I made a lot of progress on my own but I missed the important part to recovery. I've never been able to grieve, feel and express sadness, anger or any kind of emotions related to traumas that had happened. In fact I rarely was able to successfully express any kind of emotions even joy.

Now that I realized how important it is to grieve and being able to feel and express emotions especially for traumas that had happened, I'm at lost on how to accomplish this. I tried to write and purposely bring myself back to the trauma but I can't bring myself to cry or feel anything. Occasionally maybe anger but even that usually comes up when I saw or listened to someone else experience not myself. The only time I can cry seems to come in outburst when someone else (may not even the appropriate person to express the emotion) was around.

I just recently started therapy however with only 1 session a week, I feel there is too long of a gap. I need tool to further help me with recovery. Does anyone have tips for this? A good book/video that list steps to grieve/feel emotions? or maybe personal advice that has helped?