Berkeley Greater Good Science Center

[tofubreadchillicoriander]

They provide, besides various resources, a monthly calendar with daily themes. Today's theme is: See the good ("Look for the goodness and kindness all around you. https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_seeing_the_good_in_people_can_help_bridge_our_differences ")

This month's theme is See the light.

You can get the calendar (ICS) from here: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/happiness_calendar/ics

Or choose your own (scroll down to Subscribe section and tap/click the one you need): https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/your_happiness_calendar_for_december_2023

[Kizzie]

Thanks for the link tofu+.  I do think survivors like us have to be a bit cautious not to drift into toxic positivity when we read articles like this or others at the site.

I read the article "How to Make It Safe for People to Speak Up at Work" and it nicely captures the concern I have about the fact there are many abusive, manipulative people out there.

"Toxic positivity is a more subtle cousin, if you will, of gaslighting. It's a "good vibes only" approach, where we're allowed to talk only about good things and the future—no lamenting about the past or talking about the real challenges at hand.... Heedless positivity is not the same thing as grounded and realistic optimism. Toxic positivity is the belief that people should always remain positive, no matter how dire the circumstances....Toxic positivity is dysfunctional emotional management, without the full acknowledgment of negative emotions, particularly anger and sadness. These, of course, are part of the full spectrum of human emotions."

For those of us stuck believing everyone and every situation is unsafe, it is helpful to challenge these beliefs as long as we do so in a measured, realistic and grounded way as the above quote suggests.

[tofubreadchillicoriander]

Thanks for pointing that out, Kizzie. Indeed, it's necessary to be careful and not fall into the trap of toxic positivity. To be honest, I rarely read the articles, I only read the prompt and apply it to my situation as I think it has a value in calibrating the hypervigilance and seeing all as negative (in my case, it shows up as an isolationist judgmental reasoning). For example, "See the light" can be a reminder that even in the hardest moments, we can still be in our body and experience moments of joy. This is not to ignore and/or not honor our "negative" feelings, like you said, but more of to remind ourselves that we have parts that bring us joy, content even if it's just for a moment.

[Blueberry]

Thanks for pointing that out, Kizzie. Indeed, it's necessary to be careful and not fall into the trap of toxic positivity. To be honest, I rarely read the articles, I only read the prompt and apply it to my situation as I think it has a value in calibrating the hypervigilance and seeing all as negative (in my case, it shows up as an isolationist judgmental reasoning). For example, "See the light" can be a reminder that even in the hardest moments, we can still be in our body and experience moments of joy. This is not to ignore and/or not honor our "negative" feelings, like you said, but more of to remind ourselves that we have parts that bring us joy, content even if it's just for a moment.

It is good to see the positive or even look for it - I wrote Daily Joys for months in a little book I had till looking for simple joys in life was pretty ingrained. And of course it's good e.g. for me to remind myself to be on the look-out for instances of joy. I personally am not able to feel joy in the hardest moments and I don't think I necessarily remain in my body in those moments either. That will vary by person on here, depending on who dissociates more or how far people are in healing.

I know you're pretty new here tofubread so I wanted to point out that there are sticky threads here on OOTS https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?board=49.0 that help us practise non-toxic positivity i.e. looking for the good, such as the super successful Three Good Things A Day (now on Part 8 ), Today I Achieved, Today I Realised, Today I'm Grateful... These are threads everybody can post on and there have been times when a lot of mbrs have been writing regularly. I find even reading other people's posts helpful

[tofubreadchillicoriander]

Thanks for sharing and thanks for the tips, Blueberry.

I myself am dissociating so I know how it is to be disconnected from the body. I try to keep in mind others' experience where they remain in their body and feel their body even in the utmost of challenges. It's a target I set for myself. Unsure whether I'm doing more harm than good to myself, though before experiencing my mental breakdown, I was able to regulate via senses, the breath and scanning my body so I got a glimpse of how that looks like. The question for me remains though, is this achievable with trauma therapy (in my case somatic experiencing) or only when there's countertransference between me as the client and the psychotherapist (like it happened to me). Anyways, I'm going off topic here so I'll leave it at that.