Thank you, woodsgnome, for such honest posts, and thank you, Kizzie, for the above link.
This all speaks very much to how I have been thinking and feeling since my therapy "broke down."
The therapy was helpful to a point ( in easing chronic pain and emetophobia) but I was very uneasy about the insistence that I forgive my parents. Her message was that being damaging parents is just part of being human so I had to forgive. Society expected it of me. It was giving me treatment so that I would be a "good survivor". Excellent phrase! Only I couldn't or wouldn't forgive so therapy had to end.
My abuse story started before I was born, with my mother's problems and her long family history of mental illness. But society, as represented by my NHS therapist and GPs want me to be someone completely different.
For so many years, I was forced to be sociable. First by parents - sent to loads of societies and taken to every community event. Kicking and screaming, or sulky and unwilling!
As an adult, it was always advised to be sociable ; mix with fellow parents ; get involved. I tried and tried but every single interaction caused me such pain.
Being what society wanted was actually really bad for me, something I wish I had realised sooner.
This all speaks very much to how I have been thinking and feeling since my therapy "broke down."
The therapy was helpful to a point ( in easing chronic pain and emetophobia) but I was very uneasy about the insistence that I forgive my parents. Her message was that being damaging parents is just part of being human so I had to forgive. Society expected it of me. It was giving me treatment so that I would be a "good survivor". Excellent phrase! Only I couldn't or wouldn't forgive so therapy had to end.
My abuse story started before I was born, with my mother's problems and her long family history of mental illness. But society, as represented by my NHS therapist and GPs want me to be someone completely different.
For so many years, I was forced to be sociable. First by parents - sent to loads of societies and taken to every community event. Kicking and screaming, or sulky and unwilling!
As an adult, it was always advised to be sociable ; mix with fellow parents ; get involved. I tried and tried but every single interaction caused me such pain.
Being what society wanted was actually really bad for me, something I wish I had realised sooner.