Blueberry's healing: what's beneficial and constructive for me

[sanmagic7]

you go, girl, in whatever order works best for you.  that's what counts.  yay, you.

[DecimalRocket]

 

[Blueberry]

Thank you DR and san!

_________________________________________

Last summer I suddenly felt ready to pass my Little Furry Creatures on to somebody else, after having various LFC for about 20 years. Two weeks before that decision, it would have been unthinkable. Suddenly it was there.

Now within the space of 2 days another big decision evolving. To move my business space back into my apartment. Three days ago I would've said that it's impossible but now it seems a pretty good idea, especially financially. Won't happen right away since I have to give at least 3 months' notice and I'll have to do quite a bit of rearranging in my apartment and a bit of a clear-out too, possibly even insert a flimsy dividing wall in one room.

[Blueberry]

Without doubt, trying to finish that contract work from last week? / the week before last? is a real pain and mighty difficult, but also beneficial because it's showing me where several employment-related problems originated. This is really, really important. For a long time in therapy nobody really understood why working was so so so hard for me. My present T has been successful in getting me far enough along for more realisations to come.

[DecimalRocket]

Blue, honestly I don't have an idea of what different terms you mention around your work like contract work mean. I put those things in the category called "Adult stuff I still don't get"

But I can see that you're improving, and that's a good thing. Hard work is paying off for you, and I see that you're willing to persevere no matter how hard it is. Lots of your journal entries are often just small everyday tasks, but it's often that consistency that creates something lasting.

Keep going. 

[Blueberry]

Thanks so much DR for seeing the changes and progress I'm making! And the hard work and perseverance.

(Contract work - I work freelance in two different but somewhat related professions. In one of them I get an order to do such-and-such by some date and time. That's what I refer to as contract work. I'm not employed by any of these companies. The work is contracted out to me.)

[Blueberry]

Not just improvements in my professional work but also in voice lessons! It was perceptible today. I treat my voice lessons like body therapy. They'll be ending quite soon and that'll be it. But it's nice that I'm making such progress before they end.

[sanmagic7]

o blueberry, what progress!  the whole idea of contemplating moving your business to your home is incredible.  my only concern, and i bring this up gently, and off the top of my head, will it be beneficial for you to be living and working in the same space?  for some people, the idea of separating the two is important.  for others, it makes the most sense.

it's amazing to me how these realizations can allow and encourage us to do things that we've once believed could/would never happen.  as your new title says, absolutely keep doing what's beneficial and constructive for you.  i think you're doing a splendid job, even with the bumps in the road.  loving, warm hug to you, sweetie.  you are a beautiful being.

[Blueberry]

Thanks for your concern san. I've lived and worked in the same space before. It's not completely ideal, which is why I've had a separate space for a good few years now, but the present arrangement is quite frankly not financially tenable. I kept hoping I'd 'make it eventually' but I now realise I won't in that way. I need to reduce my business expenses by quite a lot. Rent is the biggest expense by a long shot.

I will be putting in some type of room divider in my apartment so that I can keep private and business fairly separate and also to keep nosy clients out of my private life. People can be very nosy and/or judgemental.  e.g. Thinking about what clients would say if they saw my untidy and sometimes dirty apartment bothered me for a long time, it was a reason not to move business back in. With room dividers it will be easier.

I feel good about the decision, I can feel relief in my body, almost viscerally. Tells me it's the right decision. It might also help me to look for a very part-time job in a different area, where I'm not so involved intellectually and sitting at the computer for hours, or just to spend more time at the farm, if I'm not constantly thinking about having to improve profit in my professions.

[sanmagic7]

that relief in your body speaks volumes, blueberry.  the dividers sound just right.  i've done the same in spits and spurts in mexico, and it was ok, too. 

it sounds like a very good decision, sweetie.  best of luck on your new venture when it begins.  fingers crossed and prayers flying that it's exactly what you need.  love and warm hugs.

[Blueberry]

I was reading back in this thread to help myself think of something beneficial or constructive to write about. I remembered I have a couple of things to write in 3 Good Things a Day.

So it worked, having a Journal dedicated to Beneficial and Constructive. 

[Blueberry]

I mostly feel like going back to bed today. I will be doing so quite soon too because I need to leave the house really early tomorrow in order to go up to the farm. Working on the farm generally does me good and I look forward to filling up my milk bottle directly from the tank.

I suppose the combination of making a biggish decision (moving office paraphernalia back into apartment and before that rearranging everything in apartment to make space) and doing 3 lots of harder profession last week have left me pretty exhausted. So lying in bed reading and/or gazing out the window was actually beneficial.

[Blueberry]

I finally had a shower and washed my hair. I feel better now, just with being clean.

[sanmagic7]

yay!  sometimes just feeling clean means so much, doesn't it?  i think it's my favorite smell.  glad you were able to do that for yourself.

i can totally see how you'd be exhausted.  have a good day on the farm, and just enjoy.    filled with squeaky clean love - just for fun.

[Blueberry]

Yeah, thanks I enjoyed my work on the farm today. It's so good for me doing light manual work after a week or so of heav duty intellectual stuff.