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Hello

since my health isnt that good right now I cant think straight and cant post anything here at the moment. will be okay I suppose within a couple of weeks.

see you then!

Apples

Hello

I had flashbacks from being near the house I lived in as a child which of course is very understandable. I had to go by bus down town from where I moved to as an adult and then the bus did drive rather close to where we used to live. It gave me night mares after each time I had to go down town. What I did to get better from this was to actually walk in the neighbourhood now and then . I knew that no one was there that could hurt me. it was still rather painful experience to do so. but it did help eventually to get rid of the flashbacks and nightmares.

I had night mares about the summer house we shared with my mothers cousins also. what helped about that was to take the train over there and see the house. it helped with just being there one time.

I had really bad problems after my mother died. as I said in another post here is that I went to the hospital after my mother died and had to hold her hand when she was in a coma for 4 hours until she died.

it was really bad flashbacks I had after that. Also going inside my mothers apartment after she died was a nightmare. I had to leave after a few minutes.

what I did afterwards was to call the priest in the congregation I am with. He came to my mothers apartment with me and we talked for about one hour and I was okay being there and then it was easier to stay there and pack down her stuff.

its soon time for the funeral. I know I am going to get bad feelings before , during and afterwards. I have to go there though. will be good for me to see that she will be put to rest in dads grave. he's been waiting there for 31 yrs now.

My mother had a very strange behaviour all her life towards anyone. she did things against common sense all the time. she put summer clothes on me in the winter. and she could also put winter clothes on me in the summer or at least she tired to do it. Children are not easy to dress with just about anything. she also talked to other people about me in a very strange way. told other people that I never laughted which wasn't true. I was right handed and she thought I was left handed. I never understand why she was like that. when I was a child a long time ago many people still thought that it was a bad thing to be left handed. But why she thought I was left handed when I was obviously right handed I dint understand it.........
when I cried she punished me. she never took me in her arms and comforted me. I had good school grades and then she told her friends that I was stupid and had low grades.

anything I did was the opposite.

rather strange thing is that my father was about the same.

my father sometimes didn't recognise me even. he thought something was the matter with me and on several occasions he thought that I had been to the hairdresser and changed my hair style. when I actually had not done that I looked the same as I did in the morning before I went to school. I was punished by him for going to the hair dresser and he said we don't have money for it and he thought  I had  stolen money to go to the hair dresser. I was so so scared of him didn't matter what I did. he would find things wrong with me.

I was also punished all the time when I never done anything wrong. my father had heard voices in his head that had told him that I am smoking. he told me about the voices. and that there is nothing I would be able to hide from him. he said he was telepathic also and that I should be careful about what I think about as he could hear every word I am thinking. I thought it was true and I tried my best not to think. but one got to think. but I was just 12 years old I didn't understand what was going on with my parents.

my father never had a diagnose. my mother didn't ever get a diagnose. just a doctor said he think she had Munchhausen by proxy.

my mother took me to the doctor when nothing was wrong with me. she could argue with the docs and take me to see several of them and tell them that things where the matter with me and they would not find anything.

my mother also had hallucinations now and then but not so bad like my father had.

my father was married 5 times before he married my mother non of his other children had contact with him. he didn't want to see them at all. never wrote any letters to them for birthdays and Christmas. I found documents at home after my father died that said that he was not allowed to see his other children because of he had abused them and their mothers. one of his sons had been adopted away. one of his sons had died from suicide. there is a half sister that I have had contact with. she is also rather strange person. she is divorced and her husband took care of their children after the divorce. she also is having same behaviour as our father had.

I had an older brother that I grew up with. he seemed to think it was okay to hurt me and he also sexually abused me when I was 11-13yrs old. then he moved to another city to go to school there and study.

my mother knew about the sexual abuse and did nothing about it.

I told a friend of mine in school about what was going on. then she told the school nurse about what I had said. and then the school nurse did phone up my mother and ask her if it was true that they abused me!!!! of course my mother said NO.

what else did the nurse think my mother would have said??

the abuse got even worse after that. I was told they would kill me if I ever said anything ever again to anyone.

I was punished by not given enough food and I was also having to beg for forgiveness for being born. every day I had to say please forgive me for being born. it went on for years that I had to do that.

most of my life been ruined by my parents. I'm 51 years old now.

many many more things happened to me as a child . really nasty things. don't want to talk about things. I don't want other people to feel sick from reading what they done to me.

Hello

Something that made me feel better is the fact that both my parents are now dead. Looking forward to be feeling much better now.

I had prolems in the past with dating men because they asked about my parents and if they are still alive and they wanted to meet them and I told them my father was dead but my mother is still alive but they cant see her as she is a terrible person and don't want to see me,

Okay so they told me that they think that I am the terrible person and left me....

Well thinking now that maybe I can have luck meating a nice man

And also looking forward making new friends.

Looking forward to perhaps getting a job too. Been a while since I was working. Been ill for a few years now.

allways this problems with talking to people I never met before when they ask what I will do for easter or christmas etc. and I say nothing I will stay at home as usual

I was missdiagnosed in the past as autistic.

Important to get the correct diagnose to be able to recover from our type of problems.

I was given the diagnose of PTSD 9 years ago.

Life has become much better for me after that.

As my mother probably acording to a doctor had munchhausen by proxy things has been very very difficult for me to get a correct diagnose and also to get help for the problems I got.

I been trough abuse as a child and young adult. And it was both my parents and an older brother who did it.

No one belived that it was true about the abuse until I was 42 years old.

My mother probably had munchhausen by proxy. a doctor told me that it seems like it after I told him what happened to me. She took me to the doctor many times when I was not sick and told the doc I was ill. Either MbyP or she immagined that I was sick or something like it.

I remember both my parents heard voices and the voices told them to do things. they punished me because the voices had told me I had done things and they thought the voices told them the truth.

I have had alcohol problems and also other kinds of problems.

My mother died recently. I am happy she is dead.. but now bad memories comes up.

Iam going to a counceller talking about things by the way.