Dealing with specific symptoms

[Snookiebookie]

Hi 

I'm fairly new here, so just getting to grips with C-PTSD (although not officially diagnosed).

There a couple of symptoms that I could do with advice about dealing with:

First is, that given all the abuse (which I was subject to from birth), I notice how easily I am bullied and intimidated I am. I'm really scared of people, especially if they're aggressive/overbearing. I'm so very frightened of confrontation. This is due to number of negative experiences I've had with these kind of situations. The bully always get the better of me, things rarely seem to go my way. So as a result I'm scared to challenge or stand up to them. When I do stand my ground, I come across as passive-aggressive, intense, angry, or just seem out of order or irrational.

Another symptom I have is the intense emotional reactions I have to triggers. They happen dozens of times a day, and are totally overwhelming.  Not sure if they'd all be classed as EF, but whatever, they're intense, frequent and overwhelming. They happen as a response to trigger events and as a result of negative automatic thoughts.

A side issue from the emotions is the amount of shame that I feel.  This really gives my IC something to latch on to. Of all the emotions, shame is the worst. It proves what my IC says, that I'm a bad person. If I feel that amount of shame, then I truly just be bad. It's hard to ignore my IC when I'm feeling so ashamed.

I'm not on any meds, but having counselling from a therapist who utilises Relational therapy. My feelings are mixed. I'm not sure taking about my emotions and experiences is totally helpful. However, she does validate me and tells me that I've been through a lot (Otherwise I'd think it's because I am mad or bad).

Any hints and tips would be appreciated 

Thank you 

[Deep Blue]

Hey bookie,
I'm scared of overbearing people too.  I have learned to just consider it a warning sign that the person cannot be trusted.  I try to keep my distance from these people.  I'm not afraid of everyone, just the ones that I have a bad feeling about.  I don't now how to describe how I know... I just do.

I have intense emotional reactions too.  I am on medication which has seemed to make the intensity of the reactions less severe.  I have also learned that the sting is less severe with some triggers now.  I have been doing some work on my triggers and trying to calm them a bit in therapy.  My T is helping me do this by tackling one at a time.

Hopefully someone has some advice on your inner critic.  I'm not sure I can offer much in that area

Deep Blue

[Blueberry]

Hi Snookiebookie,

These are all fairly common cptsd symptoms, so it may help you just to know you're not alone.

I feel just floored at the idea of giving you advice though. Recovering from cptsd takes a long time ime and unfortunately there isn't the one method that works for everybody.

Shame is a biggie for us. The shame belongs with the people who abused us or those who looked away and allowed it to happen. They managed to project it onto us instead though. Our ICr often uses things said to us by our abusers to further hurt and invalidate us.

There are lots of threads and posts on ICr, EFs, shame and other things you've mentioned. I learnt a lot when I was new here by reading old threads. You can comment on them too, it's perfectly OK to re-instate old threads.

[sanmagic7]

hey, snookie,  i absolutely agree with blueberry that recovering from c-ptsd (most of us are not officially diagnosed, by the by) symptoms takes time, patience, and determination.  also that what you described is quite common for most of us.

validation is good - it helps us to know that we're on track with our perspective, thoughts, emotions, etc., but it will only go so far in helping us heal.  a trauma-informed therapist is the ideal, but not always available.  learn what you can from your t, but don't be surprised if the day comes when you don't feel like they're helping you move forward anymore.

reaching out and sharing on this forum has done me a world of good and has definitely helped with my actual healing.  i haven't found a t who has helped so far, so i've relied on the people here for much of what i've needed.  and they've come thru like gangbusters.

as deep blue said, i've learned to stay away as much as possible from aggressive, overbearing people.  i may not always be able to sense who they are, but one incident is enough to let me know they're not someone i want to be around in the future.

minimizing our reactions to triggers can take plenty of time, patience with ourselves, and determination.  breaking down that shame is often helped from being able to trace it back to its source.  someone shamed us for something we did or for who we were/are, and in order to survive, we took it on ourselves.  when we can place that shame on the person to whom it truly belongs, it's a step in the right direction for us.

none of this is necessarily easy, but it is do-able.  we get sidetracked, distracted, fall back a step or two and think we'll never make steady progress.  little by little, tho, we are able to look back and realize we're not where we were, triggers aren't quite as bothersome, shame has diminished, and we're more able to hold and defend our boundaries without falling apart. 

it's a process, sometimes a roller coaster, rarely a straight line.  however, the fact that we've survived this long speaks to our courage, adaptability, determination, and strength.  we can do this because we have help here - we're not alone.  love and a big hug full of compassion, kindness, and patience.  it'll happen, of that i have no doubt.