Tried to be heard, sad that I wasn't able to be

[radical]

I'm feeling sad right now.

I went through a long ordeal.  It's over now and I'm glad for that.
I wanted more than just an end though, I wanted to be able to make a small difference in understanding the effects of trauma in a place that such knowledge could make a real difference.

I was naive to think I might have made a small dent in the wall of incomprehension.  Today, I realised that all my words were for nothing, no-one was listening.


At least I tried.  I'm still glad I did and that I was true to myself and the reality of to the effects of the traumatic experiences that have hurt me and so many of others, in doing so.   But right now, it feels as though the steady, potentailly lethal  drip, drip drip, of trauma and how that accumulation lives on in us long after we have escaped, is still soundless and invisible.  Maybe I provided a drop in what will eventually be an ocean made up of millions of individual voices, that no-one can ignore.  But it doesn't feel like there is a momentum building that might one day break though such an entrenched, collective willful blindness. It feels as though the problem will never been seen as anything other than individual pathology in all of us who bear witness to the harm done though our pain.  Those who cause this  harm will always find new people to put their own poison into.  Nothing will be learned, nothing will change.  if we are lucky, at some point we will find a way through to move onas individuals.

I can only do my best, even when my best is ineffective, even when I can't be heard.
I just feel so weary and powerless.

[Hope67]

Hi Radical,
I know you're feeling sad at the moment, and feel that you weren't listened to, but maybe someone did hear you - and you may have made a difference to them - it's so hard to know how people react, because often we can't see how they perceive things, and even if they react a certain way at the time, maybe later some of the words may seep through later to affect them, and maybe they'll feel differently - so I really hope that some of what you've tried to communicate will have made some kind of difference.

I think you did well to try to communicate.  It must have taken up a lot of energy though, and I can appreciate how tired you must feel.

I know you said you feel "so weary and powerless" right now, but the thing is - you tried, and you did your best, and you may have made some kind of difference - it just might not have materialised or been truly felt yet.

to you, Radical, if that's ok.

Hope 

[Blueberry]

Not feeling my best atm either, radical, but I read your post a bit. 

And, yes, you tried!  for that. I also agree with Hope that you may have made a difference which hasn't materialised yet.

[Deep Blue]

but maybe someone did hear you - and you may have made a difference to them - it's so hard to know how people react

I agree with Hope. A little boy told me once about his theory "tree of telling" and it was so insightful for a 9 year old.  He said if one person understands they can pass on that information to another who tell someone else and then you end up with a whole branch of people that know and understand.  You never know how everyone reacted.  To one person you could have made a huge difference.  One person could have been profoundly effected by you.

That's what pushes me as a teacher.  I may not have all the answers. Students may not remember all the material I teach them in class, but I hope they will remember how I made them feel.

Much love Radical,
Safe  if it's ok

[sanmagic7]

dear radical, sometimes all we can do is plant seeds, and we plant them by sharing our voices, thoughts, beliefs.  it takes a lot of courage to put all that out there, and like everyone else said, we never know what might have stuck, what might be pulled up at a later date.

this was brought to my attention when i worked at a school/treatment center.  my best friend worked there as well.  i was the therapist, and was often called to classrooms when one of the girls was disruptive so i could help her get to a place where she could rejoin the class productively.

one day that's exactly what happened.  i wasn't especially friends with the teacher, just knew her in passing.  i was called in, took the girl aside, we chatted, she calmed down, and returned to her seat to finish class.  it must've taken all of 10 min., and i was just doing my job.  there was no interaction between me and the teacher.

about a year later, i had already left, but my friend was still there.  she emailed me that the math teacher had approached her, told my friend that she understands how much my friend misses me, and related that story.  she then gave my friend some comforting and compassionate words about how she could understand because what i'd done had a profound effect on her.

well, i was shocked, to say the least, that anything i had done that day would have had such an impact on someone.  but, it helped me learn that whatever we do is felt at some level by others, whether it's revealed to us or not.  the fact that you went out of your way to relay a message in order to provide insight and/or understanding is something that will not be denied.

maybe you didn't get any pos. feedback, at the time radical, but that doesn't mean you weren't heard.  i totally believe that any pos. vibe we put out into the world can only make the world better.  that's what you did by speaking up.  i have no doubt that someone heard you.

there's a saying that if we make a pos. difference with only one person, we've done all that can be expected of us.  sometimes we can't see it at the time, but that doesn't mean it's not there.  you did a very good thing.  love and hugs.

[Rainagain]

That's a great story San,

I met an old friend recently and his children are now teens, in passing he said when he is dealing with them he uses other peoples approaches he has admired, and that he always admired how I was with my kids when they were the age his are now.

At the time I was a struggling single parent and tried my best but had doubts about my parenting. I never knew he thought I was doing things so well that he now tries to be like me.

Its such a lovely compliment, and I had no idea. No idea at all.