Just so low

[Eyessoblue]

Really struggling, feeling tearful fed up and drinking way too much. Fed up of waiting lists, I'm a person not a number. I will have to find a private therapist now I can't wait anymore. But then have that horrendous time of having to re tell my life story and I'm just not sure I can do it, it's going right back to the beginning again I'm so tired of it all. It's like I'll go back and have to re experience it all again, I'm not up to that mentally I can't cope with it . Just not sure what to do. The anxiety in waiting for the anxiety clinic to contact me is killing me.wish it would just all end.

[Libby183]

Oh, Eyesofblue, I feel for you so deeply, and thank you so much for replying to me, when you are having such a hard time yourself.

I just can't understand how the system can keep you waiting so long, especially as you didn't get your full quota of sessions anyway. I just don't think things are working - not for individuals who are suffering,  anyway.  It feels like they promise so much, stir up so much stuff and then leave you to cope.  I can see why you can't face starting all over again with your story.  And not having any contact information seems very, very poor practice indeed.

I am so sorry you are feeling so low and wish so much that I had something to offer,  other than telling you that I know how you feel. Sundays are a real problem for me, so I am hoping for a better day tomorrow. And I am hoping for that for you as well. Please let me know how you are doing.

Take care and hugs.

Libby.

[Blueberry]

  Eyessoblue! I'm so sorry you're having to wait so long.

About re-telling your story, would they let you do it in the third person "this happened to Eyessoblue. She did this and that..." I used to find that helpful at a time when I really needed to distance myself from emotions. Anyway, it seems most important that you get support from a T and then figure out how to talk about your story without triggering yourself massively. Maybe the new T can help there.

[Eyessoblue]

Thank you both of you, I just don't know!! Libby I totally understand you and feel like we've just been failed so badly by the nhs system of support, but it's not them it's the understaffing and managing of it that's failed. Although in your case ou totally got a therapist who clearly is in the wrong profession! I totally loved my therapist to the extent where she totally got me, maybe I've attachmemt issues, but finding that one therapist who gets it and you can relate to as you know is rare.
I'm off on holiday for a week on Friday. I've already googled a few trauma therapists in my area and I'm going to start privately so I can get someone for as long as I need, this waiting list scenario is killing me every time the phone rings I think this is it, then get really disappointed when it isn't. I can't live like that.
Libby I hope you go for some more therapy and can get someone who gets you, you're totally not to blame for anything and I'm really worried for you that you think that!
Blueberry thank you for your words of encouragement as always, it means so much to just have someone to share it with.

[Hope67]

  to you Eyessoblue - it's good that you've got a holiday soon, and I hope very much that you get a private therapist soon. 
Hope 

[Eyessoblue]

Thank you hope.

[Kizzie]

I am so sorry you are stuck in the endless waiting list loop Eyesoblue    It happens far too often to us at a time when we need help sooner rather than later.  FWIW, there is a "Symptom Tracking" form here, and a "Causes of Complex PTSD" form here that might help.  If you fill them out once you will always have them to take to T's, GP's etc. 

There's also a form "Locating a Trauma Therapist" form here that may be useful in looking for a private T.  ALso, could the T you had and really connected with provide you with some referrals perhaps?

I hope this helps and that you have a lovely holiday 

[Eyessoblue]

Kizzie; thank you so much that's really helpful. X

[Eyessoblue]

Hi J., thank you so much, just out of interest where in K. were you? I'm right on the K./s. borders so just wondered if you had been near by. Thank you for the link too, hope you're doing ok?

[Eyessoblue]

Omg that's where I used to live!!! Yes I've been to it, that was my first counsellor, she wasn't great tho, I think I was a bit much for her she used to sniffle quite a lot and wipe her eyes and it used to put me off telling her anything! How funny we were both there!!