Not sure why this triggers me

[Gromit]

More on the saga of my OH & a broken CD player.

He has ordered a new one. I asked why, when I have one (in the loft) which, as far as I know, works. We have never used mine as he wanted to use his so mine was stored when we moved in together. I know I didn't ask the Q correctly, I asked if mine wasn't good enough for him.

He said it was up to him what he spent his money on, he didn't Q what I spent my money on.

Then he told our DD that I 'had a cob on' because he was buying a new CD player. He also said I didn't have to use it, at which point I pointed out that mine was in a place where I could not get it. To be honest, I used the, now broken, CD player more than he did since we have been together.

I also pointed out he could have had a new CD player for his birthday (this month) as he never knows what he wants.

Now I am in some kind of EF I think, full of shame for daring to say anything. Feeling tense, scared, on edge, tearful. At the same time, understanding what is happening to me, but not why. And why, after all this time does it matter who stuff belongs to?

I have a feeling some of this is his stuff too, some gaslighting, defensive behaviour, but I would like an objective opinion please.

[Three Roses]

Hmmm... do you feel blamed? Do you feel like he's holding you responsible for something that in reality you have no control over?

[Gromit]

Apart from feeling it must be my fault the CEO's player doesn't work, although I don't know how that could be? Three roses, or now I feel I must not question his decisions. But that isn't my fault.
Just confused now.
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[Gromit]

Perhaps it is the rejection of my things that triggers me, and his defensiveness just makes me feel that I am right in feeling rejected.

[Three Roses]

I can relate - my OH was very particular, very controlling about a lot of things. He's better now, but can still get hyper focused on "should"-ing when he himself is triggered. And when he gets in his control mood, I feel out of control and unsure of myself.

It feels threatening to me because idk if his mood will further spiral out of control until he's throwing things and slamming things, I don't know how much drama will be following on the heels of his attempt to control and put things in their "correct" order. This all brings up nasty crap from my childhood, when I could do nothing right. Being told to do a job and just do it to the best of my ability, I would then be mercilessly critiqued for not doing the job correctly.

[Gromit]

Thanks Three Roses, at least I don't get slamming, the verbal stuff is enough for me.

My T seems to think it is progress that I am examining it rather than just spiralling into a pit. And that my OH struggles with change. I have had other partners like that and I suppose it is something that I recognise, my mother did struggle with anything different to how she thought things should be. Just never made the link until now.
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