First time spending Christmas alone

[89abc123]

So this year I'll be spending Christmas alone. I finally managed to go no contact with the narc brother earlier this year, so of course that means not going to my parents house this year to do the usual family obligations.

I'm 28yo and single, with few friends. just wondering if anyone has any ideas on how I can spend my day?

i don't want to pretend I'm not going to be miserable, I just want to try and lessen the blow so to speak.

[sanmagic7]

hey, 89,

one thought came to mind - starting your own, new tradition(s).  these can be permanent, something special you do and want to keep doing no matter what,  or temporary, easily switched at a time you don't find yourself alone.

they can encompass making/putting up decorations, buying yourself a special ornament (if you have a tree) or some other christmas decoration, finding a christmas celebration to attend (our family would go to a church that would offer a free concert every christmas eve - we never stayed for the religious ceremony, but the concert became a new part of our family tradition), watching a movie that either has something or nothing to do with christmas - your choice, stringing lights in your room that are just for you - just anything you may want to do for yourself that will add something special to the holiday.

this year, i bought myself a candle with a picture of the patron saint of mexico - our lady of guadalupe - as a comfort and protector symbol.  my first christmas living away from mexico in 16 yrs.  and, altho i have lots of my mexico stuff in my room, she was one that i'd left behind.  part of my heart is still there, so it feels right and good to have brought her into my room with me.

i don't know if this is helpful.  just some thoughts.  wishing you a good holiday season no matter what.  big hug.

[BlancaLap]

So this year I'll be spending Christmas alone. I finally managed to go no contact with the narc brother earlier this year, so of course that means not going to my parents house this year to do the usual family obligations.

I'm 28yo and single, with few friends. just wondering if anyone has any ideas on how I can spend my day?

i don't want to pretend I'm not going to be miserable, I just want to try and lessen the blow so to speak.

You are not miserable, you are brave, and you deserve good. I guess since you're alone you can do whatever you want, and that's great! If I were you, I would try to see a movie, make excercize, prepare exotic food... read a book, or go see a friend who is in the same situation as us. Idk, do what your inner child tells you to do!

[Tracer]

My wife is divorcing me, and even though there are some differences between my situation and yours, I'm interested in some of the replies.

For me, my wife has let me know that I'm welcome to share the holidays with her and the kids if I want to.  I'm also part of a religious community with some friends who have given me open invitations to come over if I want.

Also, as part of my work I know about some special needs youth and adult groups who will be holding a variety of activities and gatherings.  In fact, I've been promised a "dance" by one of the special needs adults at her party this Wednesday.



There also may be a variety of public gatherings worth looking into.  Where I live, there is a dance held in one of the local airport hangars and all the music, decorations, and dress is WWII themed.

Simpler and quieter experiences might include touring some of the prominent light displays in your area.

On the lighter side, you might try spending time watching some of the holiday episodes from your favorite sitcoms.  Frasier and The Office are some personal favorites.  You might experience your own Festivus Day miracle! 

Thanks for reaching out with this question.  I'm certainly looking forward to some of the recommendations.

Trace

[Three Roses]

I've always wanted to help out at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen during the holidays. Wanted to - not been able to. Maybe this year I will!

[Rainagain]

I'm alone this Christmas too,
I'm going to get some treats in, pick up some old films from the charity shop, take a long walk and keep the stove well lit. I have a few good books if I can manage to read (I often can't).

For me its a time to get through as best I can, so with a little preparation it will be fine.

I will be on here too, drop me a line if you like.

[ah]

I'm going to be alone too. It's taken me years and years to come to the conclusion that the only thing worse than being alone during the holidays is being in contact with my FOO during the holidays.
I usually tolerate it quietly, I wait for it to be over with a book to help me forget.

But I think if I could I might ask myself what I'd do if I had a free day and absolutely no one to answer for. If I could splurge (emotionally) and spend my time in the most ridiculously satisfying way, if I could make it my own business and no one else's, what would I do? 

Even if it's something very small, or very silly that I'd never mention to anyone. Or a guilty pleasure. Doesn't matter what I'd end up doing, the main point is I would be choosing it because it'd feel funny or promising or unknown, and no one else would interfere this time. We choose who we invite into our world, and it's a full world whether certain people are in it or not.

[Blueberry]

I discovered that for myself "quality me time" at Christmas doesn't work when 'everybody else' is meeting up in groups of family or friends. I do feel lonely if I'm completely alone. Especially in my country, Christmas is very family-oriented.

This year I'm going to a celebration for people who would otherwise be alone. I've been before. It was very nicely done. Otherwise, I go to church a lot where I enjoy the singing and candle-light and not being quite alone. But I realise that is not everybody's cup of tea!!

I will be on here too, feel free to post. A Christmas celebration of some sort on the Healing Porch on Christmas Day might be good. We can set that up closer to the time. The Healing Porch is magic so can be arranged to suit everybody's needs, even completely conflicting ones!

[ah]

Thanks Blueberry, I feel less of a weirdo that it never worked for me either... 
(A really thick book is my default option. And earplugs. And some gloom, possibly a lot of gloom. But it always feels like I'm giving in somehow.)

[songbirdrosa]

I'm going to be by myself for the first time as well. Last year I spent Christmas with friends, but I've since moved and haven't really had the chance to properly connect with anyone yet.

Some of these suggestions are really nice . For me, I think I'll just treat it like any other day and hope it doesn't get to me.

[RecoveryRandal]

I started separating myself from my family of origin about two decades ago. The best piece of advice I can offer is to have a plan or at least a loose framework of how you want to spend the day.

For example, I spent this Thanksgiving by myself and threw myself into cooking, reading, and house projects. It ended up being a lovely and nurturing time.

I've also either hosted or been invited to other's "orphan" celebrations with people who don't otherwise have plans. This can take some reaching out to find friends and other locals who are open to this. But I've been surprised to find that there are many folks in a similar situation for whom a light-hearted gathering it's just a thing they're looking for.

Best of luck,
Randal

[Three Roses]

(Welcome, Randal!)

[Boatsetsailrose]

Great thread thank you
For me it's being with my inner child and treating her really nicely and lovingly , asking her what makes her happy . I find too much tv is not good and so mixing up the day esp having a time where I go out and connect with nature is good.
Also to keep in the gratitude and commend myself on what I am doing.
I'm grateful that I don't spend time with a family that make me miserable anymore, that I have freedom of speech, freedom of action and freedom of not being mistreated ... this year I won't be lonely I shall be free..
oh and also to not let my mind fixate on 'everyone's having a good time with others and not me ' because a) that is far from the truth of how it is and b) self pity just drags me further down. It's only a day Christmas comes and it goes . But yes I can relate feelings do come it's what I do with them that is the important bit

Blessings and brightness for a calm  and loving Christmas