New here

[MJHC_1986]

Hi everyone,

This is my first post and a couple of times have joined forums similar to this only to not have the courage to say anything. I've decided to try posting though as what's the worst that can happen?
I don't want to take up so much of your time reading this so I'll try to summarise my issues as briefly as possible.
Growing up I had an alcoholic mother along with a disinterested father and the combination of the two meant that the responsibility of looking after my siblings was left to me. I never felt loved or like there was anyone there to take care of me and my home environment generally felt unsafe. I haven't been diagnosed with anything but as an adult I mostly feel numb along with episodes of sadness every now and again which feel completely overwhelming. I also seem to have blanked out some of my memories and when I think of my childhood I struggle to remember certain events.
To try to help with this I'm talking to a therapist weekly and she is working with me to try to increase my self esteem. It's early days but I will see where it goes.
My Mother isn't around any more (alcohol won in that case) and I have a better relationship with my Father as an adult than I did when I was younger. I still don't feel like I can talk to him about this though.

I was just wondering if anyone here has experienced something similar?

Thanks for reading.

[Sceal]

Hey Mjhc,

Welcome to the forum!

I didn't grow up the same way you did, but I can relate to the inability to talk to my parents, even in adulthood.  I hope you will find your way through the pain of a shattered childhood and lost memories, and bit by bit increase your selfesteem. Continue to post on the forum! 

[Dee]

Welcome!  Here you may identify with parts of someone's story but not other parts.  No two people are alike, right?  I do feel you will find support and understanding.

[Three Roses]

Welcome! Although it wasn't alcohol, something kept my parents in a completely enmeshed and exclusive relationship. There wasn't any room for anyone else, and I felt very alone growing up what with having a depressed mother, a mentally ill father, and behaviorally disturbed older sibling. So I very strongly relate to your background.

As Dee said, no two stories are exactly alike. I'm sure you will find a lot of people whose stories you can relate to, and who can relate to your stories in return. Thanks for joining!

[sanmagic7]

welcome, mjhc.  so glad you decided to post here. 

without the alc., my childhood experience was similar in that i felt completely unsupported by my folks while growing up.  as you look around the forum, i don't doubt you'll also be able to relate to bits and pieces of other parts of our lives.

glad you have a therapist to help you thru all this.  i don't have a formal diagnosis, either, but am self-diagnosed as having c-ptsd.  it's common not to have that diagnosis but relate to it anyway.

hope to hear more from you in the future.  glad you're here.

[MJHC_1986]

Thanks for all of your replies! It's definitely true that no two people are alike. It's just nice to speak to some other people who can relate. Sometimes I feel very alone with this.
I'll have a read through some of the other posts too.

[BlancaLap]

I'm so sorry you had that experiences as a child..
My story is different, but I relate to the feeling of numbness.