Physically ill like in my childhood during this healing trip

[Badmemories]

When I was a child I always had stomach problems, nausea, vomiting in the AM every day, constipation, and postponing bowel movements. As I am going through this healing I have started to get the same physical problems I had as a child. I have NOT had any of these problems since I was a child .  Has any of You noticed the physical signs of stress coming back as You are working on you walk toward heAling?  Since I am not nearly as far as some of you are in my Walk toward healing maybe You have read or experienced something like this ... Comments please!

Keep on keeping on! :hugs:

[schrödinger's cat]

As a teen, I was often very exhausted, the kind of exhaustion that feels like very low blood pressure. And in November, that came back. Quite suddenly, too: I was at my computer, and suddenly it was like taking an elevator down - that kind of "whoa" feeling in the pit of your stomach,  nauseating and dizzying. I'm still not quite back at normal. It's slowed my daily life down. That's annoying and frustrating. Sometimes it's also worrying, because I'm afraid it won't ever end. But I'm pretty sure this is a part of grieving what happened. I never did that properly before.

I'm thinking it's a physical reaction to triggers, in my case. It happened just yesterday - someone put pressure on me to do something I couldn't do, and whoa. So that's now my working theory as to what triggers all this: anything that puts me under pressure to do something I can't do, or a pressure to enter a situation I can't handle. In short, feeling overwhelmed.

I guess it's validating, in a messed-up way. I still tend to second-guess myself so much. "What if it wasn't all that bad after all..." Now, I remember more clearly what it was like. I get tired and sad and slow and unmotivated and less able to concentrate... and it's not as bad as it was when I was young, but still: it's enough to make me realize that yep, it was real, and it was definitely that bad.

Badmemories, could it be a food intolerance in your case? Or an allergy? It would fit the picture - stomach trouble and bowel problems. I remember reading that such conditions can really flare up in times of stress. Do you think you react to something in particular? It's possible to test this out by yourself - just leave one thing away for a few days and see if you feel better. Lactose, gluten, fructose, additives, histamine... it's a bit of a pain to test all that out, but if you are in fact intolerant towards one of those things, it's well worth finding out.

[keepfighting]

Hi, BM,

it's called psychogenic pain: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychogenic_pain

I was diagnosed with a tendency towards psychogenic pain in 2000 and the way my t explained it to me is that the pain is real but the cause of the pain is not physical. First thing you have to do is go see a doctor and make sure that it there really is nothing physically wrong with you that causes these symptoms. (Never skip that step - if there's a physical cause you'd want to nip it in the bud!)

Once you've ruled out a physical cause, there are several ways in which to deal with psychogenic pain, many of which you probably already know and practise: Mindfulness, soothing the IC, stability in your daily routine (regular meals and exercise, regular sleeping routine....) and - of course - being good and kind towards yourself, not pushing yourself beyond your limits.

The good news is that though the psychogenic pain increased for a while at the beginning of t (irritable bowels, headaches, sore throat and backaches in my case), they have considerably decreased since. 

BM, you have so much on your plate right now, setting so many giant steps at once, it's a small wonder that the stress of changing your life - even if all the changes are positive ones - has to manifest itself somewhere. I hope it doesn't cause you too much extra stress and worry  .

[morph]

Hi BM   I noticed that I started a thread about the books and things being overwhelming and that you had a similar thread going in another section.
I can't remember being physically ill as a child but lately I am suffering from stomach pains, muscle aches, headaches, insomnia (more than before - maybe) and I think that it may be related to what I am facing on this journey. 

It's totally out of character to show weakness for me and have no idea how to deal with it.  I am plagued with self doubt about everything.   It feels as if my world is falling apart which in a way it is - I have to learn a new way of dealing and interacting with almost every aspect of my existence.  It frankly very scary - which of course exacerbates psychogenic pain (thank you keepfighting) and insomnia.

I went on a visit to England to see my FOO in September, I got an out break of shingles which is still with me today.   All my life I have been very regular and quick in the bowel department (TMI?) but that has all gone to s***  since about 3 weeks ago!  I think its psychosomatic (another word is somatoform) but whatever, I wish I knew when it is going to decease.  At the moment my fatigue is making me into a zombie. 

I'm not sure if me complaining about it like this is very manly but I am doing it in the name of getting in touch with my feelings.  I really don't know what the best thing to be doing is at all!  I'm taking a leap of faith that a little bit 'inner critic bashing' here and 'inner child loving' there, mindfulness here, righteous indignation/anger there is the way to go.

Hope we both pull out of this stage soon if it is a stage!

[alovelycreature]

I have IBS. Whenever I'm stressed to the point of panic I get diarrhea (sorry for gross details). I have all sorts of allergies now too including gluten, chili peppers, and tomatoes. I'm also nauseous a lot. When I complain about nausea my partner always says, "You're always nauseous!" I have thrown up before from panic. I haven't had them in a few months, but I was having these weird episodes once a month where I would wake up in the middle of the night and throw up for no reason. The next day I didn't feel good, but I wouldn't be sick in any other way. I think it was my body's way of saying, "STOP. Take care of yourself."

The things that have helped me is eating a balanced healthy diet, exercising (even if it's just a walk around the block with the dog!), doing something to relieve stress, and taking a probiotic with digestive enzymes. The probiotic really helps. I make smoothies with yogurt. If you buy a probiotic, make sure it is refrigerated because bacteria are living things. The type of probiotic I use (and is my favorite I've tried) is called RAW Women's Daily probiotic. It has the digestive enzymes in it. For stress relief, do something you enjoy. I take baths, sit outside if it's nice, take a walk, and I just started meditating and doing yoga again.

I hope that helps. I've been to digestive doctors, allergists, everyone. It's stress (CPTSD) related. If I have a horrible night terror or flashback I get digestive symptoms too.

Hope you find something that works for you 

[morph]

Hi Lovely - Not sure what IBS is but I agree that a balanced diet and exercise are an essential part of health.   Exercise is such a natural way to lift spirits and bring your body back to itself.   We've had millions of years where working, to some extent, would provide the framework of our existence.  Around this framework we would fit in sleeping, body functions, eating.  Today we have much more choice and rather than gardening or hunting our work is usually not physical.   I have to act on this more often myself as I can get very lazy.  Exercise gets tiring!   

Funnily enough I have just reached a section in Pete Walkers book where he talks about somatic reactions.   Chapter 13,  (kindle book page 251 onwards).  Her reckons that one should be as mindful as possible about it.  Stay with the pain and learn about it for what it is.   Use the tools we have to shrink the critic, soothe the child etc. and it will then become more manageable or dissolve.

Bad paraphrasing but I do find his book quite hard going!  Also just another insight into how much I'm going to have to get through to get a handle on this CPTSD!  Or to look on the bright side, its a great opportunity for me to get a little more in touch with my feelings.

[alovelycreature]

Hi Lovely - Not sure what IBS is but I agree that a balanced diet and exercise are an essential part of health.   Exercise is such a natural way to lift spirits and bring your body back to itself.   We've had millions of years where working, to some extent, would provide the framework of our existence.  Around this framework we would fit in sleeping, body functions, eating.  Today we have much more choice and rather than gardening or hunting our work is usually not physical.   I have to act on this more often myself as I can get very lazy.  Exercise gets tiring!   

Irritable Bowel Syndrome. I also have chronic gastritis (irritation of stomach lining). I just posted an article on high cortisol levels (usually true with chronic hyperarousal) and supplements that are helpful for fatigue, stomach issues, hypothyroid, low blood sugar, etc. High cortisol is a somatic reaction to trauma. Yes, between Walker's Book and the Body Keeps the Score, I thought I better start being mindful and meditate or things are just going to continue to get worse!

I have a feeling it is going to take me a long time to read the Walker book, because I keep reading other books related to chapters of his book... haha. Like, I've gone off on some inner/outer critic work. Seems like the key is getting back into your body through meditation and yoga. Then it will feel manageable to do the work. I don't know if anyone has noticed anything similar/different. Self-soothing/safety seem to be a big thing I need before getting to the next step.

[MaggieMayCat]

OMG - that's what the heck is going on... for the last several months the general malaise and weariness is just like when I was growing up - I just didn't connect the two. 

As a young teenager developed digestive/stomach problems that kept me nauseous and tired all the time - it was stress.   uNPD Father, EnM, uNPDBro in training, uBPD paternal grandmother (source of most of the families problems)... and a horrific situation at school - the beginnings of desegregation (early '70s) in the deep South - i.e. busing inner city children into outer areas to equalize educational opportunities.  Not that it was a bad approach but the money they spent moving kids around could have vastly improved the schools the inner city kids were at without adding the stress of them having to deal with a whole new school and being forced to ride long distances... Anyway, fights and loud confrontations were the norm at school - so there was no place safe or quiet to go... this really took a toll on me... EnM took me to the doctor countless times - lots of meds but no change.  Most of the time she was dealing with nNPDF and his health (cardiac and stress issues) which was pretty much a full time deal and dealing with her own female illnesses/surgery plus working and going to school.  The whole family was pretty much ill with stress related or exacerbated stuff and no one paid attention to what the true cause of it was.

A little over a year out from the event that caused me to go total NC with uNPD Brother and VLC with EnM.  uNPDF is deceased for 11 years... BPD Grandmother is long gone - but their horrific legacy has lived on in the person of my brother...  In the past 18 months have lost 40 lbs which I needed to lose most of but the digestive/stomach issues have begun to escalate.  At least now I know why a lot of it is occuring... will have to dig into the cortisol thing and see if that might be the chemical source.

[pegleg]

I'm dealing with an onslaught of stomach pain and nausea right now; it's been going on for about three days. I do not have a history of these problems - although I'm starting to realize that I have, and I was previously able to ignore it - but it's just extremely intense right now. I know it isn't viral or truly gastric, and can definitely tell it's related to this recovery and the anxiety that I am finally letting out. I am drinking ginger tea as I type this, and I've been swallowing Tums like crazy. I will look into the above suggestions and pursue them. I am hoping that it will work its way through.