Therapist's keep changing jobs

Lilfae · September 12, 2017, 07:46:34 PM

This post will probably be a little all over the place, I'm sorry for that.

I got my first therapist when I was 18. I was too scared and too ashamed to ask for help before I was legal, and even after I turned 18 I didn't fully trust the healthcare professional. That they had my best interest at heart, or whether they would believe me if I actually said what was going on. So I spent years in therapy without really trusting them. And I had years of changing therapists. That is, they kept quitting and changing jobs, or retiring, or moving away. Some even said that I was good to go out on my own. I was "helped", but not to expect ever getting "cured" it was a confusing message to get.

Anyway, I remember 16 different therapists. And I am sure there's been more. The year before I got my current one I had 6 others. In a little over a year. It's exhausting to change therapist. Sometimes they can read your patient journal and get a feel for the story, but at the same time.. you have to answer the same questions over again. You have to devellop a new relationship, you have to learn to trust the new person. And I don't know about you guys, but everytime I feel like I am standing completely naked infront of them being judged. It's awful.

I brought this topic up with my current therapist last week, when I realised that I am just waiting to hear the familiar words of her leaving. I don't want her to leave, I know she's a great therapist, and I feel safe. It's not always productive, but life isn't always productive so why should therapy be any other way? Anyway, she told me she's only going to continue with DBT patients (Dialectic Behavior Therapy), and I am apart of that program... For now. For the next 7 months. But then what? Is she going to drop me? Do I have to find another one? Do I have to start all over again?

I know I should try and make the most out of the time I got with her, and I know that 7 months is a long time. But she's had me for 9 months already and I've made very little progress. Or rather, I made progress and then for the past 6 months I've been at a standsstill. I do not think that 7 months will be enough. I don't think I will be finished with the treatment that I need. It's been 16 years since my first assault, and I still can't even say the word. The R-word. I freeze up, or change subject, or pretend I didn't hear it. Or just nod or shake my head.

What I am wondering is, how do you guys deal with change of therapists? Do you got any tips for me to wrap my mind around the inevitable fact that she's going to quit on me too, and to spend the time left most productively? - I just for once, really would like for the healthcare system to listen to me when I say I am not yet ready to not be in treatment. That I still need them, and sorely so.

Three Roses · September 12, 2017, 09:09:29 PM

For now, I've decided to quit therapy until I can get a trauma-informed therapist. My hmo has not yet recognized that CPTSD is different than PTSD. So, I wait.

sanmagic7 · September 12, 2017, 11:02:57 PM

i have had several t's during the course of 30 yrs. some have bailed, some have harmed me, some i've fired. i've got a new one lined up at the end of the month. i don't know what to expect anymore.

the only thing i can think of is to ask your t is she is going to last beyond the 7 months, that it's important for you to know because of your history. if she says no, or waffles on the answer, my suggestion is to ask her to make sure you are set up with someone else before she goes, because it is too traumatic to be abruptly dismissed again.

i would definitely be straightforward with her on this. this is your process, your money, your life, and it all deserves to be treated carefully, caringly, and gently. i've heard of t's who will help make the transition smoother by even sitting in for a session or two with the new t (if that's what this comes down to.)

i'm just so very sorry this has happened to you. i can definitely understand your concern and trepidation. do you think that your lack of progress has something to do with what's gone on before? if so, i'd absolutely put it out there, straightforward, and expect a straightforward answer. (i actually just did that with a doc, and he's been extremely helpful and supportive ever since. it's been quite amazing to me.) you have that power in this type of relationship.

best to you with this. i hope you get some satisfaction. big hug.

Lilfae · September 13, 2017, 07:00:20 PM

Quote from: Three Roses on September 12, 2017, 09:09:29 PM
For now, I've decided to quit therapy until I can get a trauma-informed therapist. My hmo has not yet recognized that CPTSD is different than PTSD. So, I wait.

I hope you do not have to wait long to get a therapist that will help you

Lilfae · September 13, 2017, 07:09:12 PM

Quote from: sanmagic7 on September 12, 2017, 11:02:57 PM
i have had several t's during the course of 30 yrs. some have bailed, some have harmed me, some i've fired. i've got a new one lined up at the end of the month. i don't know what to expect anymore.

the only thing i can think of is to ask your t is she is going to last beyond the 7 months, that it's important for you to know because of your history. if she says no, or waffles on the answer, my suggestion is to ask her to make sure you are set up with someone else before she goes, because it is too traumatic to be abruptly dismissed again.

i would definitely be straightforward with her on this. this is your process, your money, your life, and it all deserves to be treated carefully, caringly, and gently. i've heard of t's who will help make the transition smoother by even sitting in for a session or two with the new t (if that's what this comes down to.)

i'm just so very sorry this has happened to you. i can definitely understand your concern and trepidation. do you think that your lack of progress has something to do with what's gone on before? if so, i'd absolutely put it out there, straightforward, and expect a straightforward answer. (i actually just did that with a doc, and he's been extremely helpful and supportive ever since. it's been quite amazing to me.) you have that power in this type of relationship.

best to you with this. i hope you get some satisfaction. big hug.

I cannot afford a private therapist. The one I am getting is from the public healthcare (Which where I live is incredible good compared to most places). So choosing a new one is not something that I can do.

I am going to attempt to tell my therapist tomorrow what I think I currently need in therapy. It's quite scary to be honest, because I have a tendency to try to impress and I want her to think well of me rather than judge me. And I am incredible afraid of loosing her, especially right now, and I fear that by putting demands, or saying out loud what I do need I will lose her. She is a trauma specialist, and she's been doing a great job of getting me out of my anxiety-paranoid-no sleep-hellhole that I was in last winter. I've just stagnated now, and I know it is ultimatedly me who needs to do the work - it just gets harder when there's more than just two obstacle to overcome (feeling safe in ones own home and actually sleeping).

On the other side, I do know that when I worked in health care it was much easier for me to actually help the patients I was dealing with if they would just tell me what it was that they needed. Clear communication is important, yet it's so damn difficult. I am already crying in tredipidation of the oncoming appointment tomorrow. And I do hope I can brave it enough to talk to her about this. I will admit, I feel like an utter failure for being so dependent on her. I just don't really have anyone else that I can talk to about difficult stuff.

I am sorry for my rant

Blueberry · September 13, 2017, 08:39:09 PM

Lilfae,
Please don't be sorry. Getting the correct treatment from the right therapist for you is important! I've done more than enough detours in therapy from being with a therapist who didn't take me and my needs quite seriously enough, or who wasn't really qualified to deal with CPTSD.

I stagnate from time to time too. It's when I've been making a whole bunch of progress and then need a break for a while to stabilise, sort out my priorities again and then continue.

Good luck with your appointment tomorrow and on stating what you need. Here's some courage from here to take with you!

sanmagic7 · September 13, 2017, 11:42:44 PM

i hope your appt. goes well tomorrow and you are able to get satisfaction. sending you a big hug full of courage and confidence in knowing you deserve the best care possible.

Lilfae · September 14, 2017, 01:35:10 PM

My appointment today went alright, but I didn't get to talk to her about what I had planned. I was planning on telling her today, rather than writing it down. Instead we spent time talking about avoidance, anxiety and shame. Which is all very relevant topics as of late, and it did include tears and bouts of warm wash of shame. But it was good.

I'll try again next week. I did get to talk a little bit about it with my GP today too, as I had an appointment with her too for another reason altogether. She said if my current therapist quit on me in 7 months, she'll help me find a more long term sollution. I suppose that eased me a little bit, although I still don't want to change.

Blueberry · September 14, 2017, 10:16:23 PM

Going alright is certainly better than going really badly.

It sounds as if your GP is on your side too, which can be really helpful. I can understand not wanting to change again though. You have put up with enough of that in the past.

Lilfae · September 15, 2017, 11:03:24 PM

Quote from: Blueberry on September 14, 2017, 10:16:23 PM
Going alright is certainly better than going really badly. It sounds as if your GP is on your side too, which can be really helpful. I can understand not wanting to change again though. You have put up with enough of that in the past.

Thank you. It usually goes alright at the sessions with the T. Even if it's hard, painful, and even if I end up crying and feeling raw afterwards, it is better than not being able to talk to her at all. I will try again though, to engage in conversation with her now on what to do in the future. Even if it scares me that she'll reject me.