New here

[phay]

Hi folks,

I'm new to this board. I've been working really hard to use tools to manage my EF's and sometimes they're effective and other times I get completely lost in the EF too fast.
But here are some of the tools I've developed and used effectively at times:
- make a video of yourself calms and soothing yourself, encouraging yourself and listing your good qualities like a loving parent - record when you're feeling great, watch when you're having an EF!
- watch How I Met Your Mother or any other show that makes you feel good (like Friends or something that shows an example of well-connected relationships or makes light of real life in a good way - maybe even a stand-up comedian)
- Journal it aaaaalllllllll out until you can see/read/hear what you sound like, which will sometime elicit self-compassion
- keep a list of affirmations to read whenever you're in a flashback
- use Pete Walker's suggestions
- instruct your SO what to do! I told mine to hand me a journal and tell me to write, but he's forgotten that too, haha.

I am also trying this: Ground Rules! The only two I have right now (because that's all I can handle) are 1) Speak to and treat yourself with respect.
2) Speak to and treat (my SO) with respect.

I am laying down those two ground rules like healthy boundaries for a child spinning out of control. That way I can freak out if I need to, cry, feel hurt, be lost and confused, but I cannot speak disrespectfully to myself or my man. Because my man gets triggered and gets quiet which makes my EF of total emotional abandonment go frikkin CRAZY, so I start telling him ways he abandons me and it shuts him down more and it's a painful cycle. He's incredibly patient but does NOT deserve my blame, and of course, neither do I.

It hurts my heart so much to feel so powerless sometimes, especially when other days I am bright, confident, secure in myself, friendly, and emotionally strong. One wrong tone of voice from my partner and I'm falling down the well. We are starting couples therapy and I'm very curious what the therapist will suggest and what she will see. She does a lot of somatic work which ought to be great for the amygdala hijackings!

Thanks everyone for reading and for sharing. I hope to share any tools I discover along the way.

[Three Roses]

Welcome, phay! Thanks for joining

[AphoticAtramentous]

Welcome to the forum phay. A very interesting list of 'tools' you have here. ^-^
I hope the couples therapy goes well for you!

[Kizzie]

Hi Phay and welcome to OOTS!    it sounds like you have a pretty good handle on what you're dealing with and what to do about it      I am intrigued by the video idea - very interesting tool as sometimes it is hard to be soothing when we're in an EF as you say.

Thanks for sharing all that you are and will be doing - recovery strategies are always a big topic of interest here