food restriction/disordered eating of any kind

[Eyessoblue]

Hi I can so relate to this, I'm working with my psychologist on this at the moment, when I'm feeling really upset or angry I have huge binge eating sessions to the point where I've eaten so much I have to lay down as I feel so ill, I'm to,d it's a way of comforting and rewarding myself which is something I've done since a very young age, also if I'm feeling reahappy or elated I tend not to eat at all but drink huge amounts of wine, this is related to me using alcohol as a happy time although I do it way too excessively. My psychologist has asked me to keep a diary and it really shows that my eating is all part of my emotions I feel that day, an unhealthy way to self soothe, I'm hoping I can sort this out and think I will but know it will take a lot of therapy to do so, it is a very common trait of cptsd/ptsd.

[Blueberry]

And cooking is such a scary thought for me, so many things could go wrong... eehhh... >.>

Since you mentioned it, this is part of my problem too. I find preparing food exhausting, particularly so if I cook for others, which I almost never do. Behind the exhaustion is probably some form of fear. Fear of making mistakes, fear of... I'm beginning to feel what but have decided not to go any further into the topic today.

[Blueberry]

Picking up this thread again...

Over the past week, while something was coming up out of the past, I either ate really hastily, tossing food in my mouth, felt very bad-mannered and 'greedy', OR I didn't eat. Another thing I tend to do, which is related to not eating: I buy food I want to eat, including nice healthy stuff I can eat raw and like to eat raw e.g. a bunch of juicy, crunchy, tasty carrots and then I simply do not eat them. They lie around going soft (because I don't remove the green tops). Other things go mouldy. I never used to waste food at all! And I don't really want to, or waste the money I spent on the food, but I end up doing that. If I feel into the issue, there's part of me backing away from food, not wanting any contact at all. Well, as I probably wrote further up this thread, I used to be 'anorexic with no significant weight loss', so it's probably no surprise that I drift back into non-eating from time to time.
Can anybody relate to buying food, even food you genuinely want to eat, and then simply not eating? Ha, maybe my Adult wanted the carrots, but not all the Inners did. Or one of the Inners did, but not the rest. Yes, the latter seems to be ringing true.

[AphoticAtramentous]

Ah, Blueberry, yes, yes, I hear you on that one.
I buy plenty of food for myself, healthy groceries to try and get into better eating habits - throw them into the fridge, then just... don't eat them. Or at least I'd eat about half of what I buy.

Though I can only imagine it's my fussy eating to blame. I have an unusually high fussy attitude towards food. If a slice of bread is left out for a day and it's not even stale, just the thought of it not being where it belonged makes it impossible for me to eat comfortably. Or if I open up a can of tomatoes, use half, then store the rest, I still can't eat the rest because "It's been touched already". Buying a pack of strawberries, I may only eat half of the strawberries there because the rest are too 'smooshy' or something. It's really really weird. lol I don't understand myself at all, there's just so many compulsions that make it hard to eat things and it makes me look like such a snob. Haha

I don't think it relates to my CPTSD but I don't know, maybe it does, maybe there's a connection I'm missing.
My only guess would be that well, children are usually quite fussy, and seeing as when my FOO 'took care of me', whatever food I was given was all I got, including the stuff I absolutely hated and despised. Even when I expressed my utter hatred for said food, I'd just get the same old reply; "Doesn't matter. I don't care. You have to eat things you don't like." Which I don't understand at all. If you don't like a type of food, you can just substitute it with something else just as good that tastes far better. But yeah, maybe now that I can take care of myself, I'm finally able to eat whatever I want and so my inner child is catching up and being extremely hard to please. lol That would make sense.