Don't you just hate it when they feel superior?

[Lingurine]

I do. I feel it before I have to meet my FIL on the birthday of my SO. I have to be there and I feel nauseous already. As much as I avoid him, even on Christmas, once a year, I have to face him and I absolutely hate that. His superior attitude, his demeaning comments, argg.

He reminds me of my own father, whom I haven't seen in a long time.
I'm thinking grey rock, medium chill and still. I can't feel anything other then argg.
Hate it.

Lingurine

[Kizzie]

I hear you Lingurine.  My NPDMIL triggered me too, and I just hated going to events when she was there. Over time though I just could not bring myself to be around her and finally spoke to my H about it.  This was before we knew about PDs or CPTSD, but looking back it was when we started to talk really openly about our FOO. We came to see something was wrong not only with his M but my FOO as well even though we didn't have a name for it then.  We did know, however, that we were suffering because of them so we cut back seeing either side.  Eventually we figured out about NPD, and then I was diagnosed with CPTSD.  That's when all the pieces fell into place and we went LC and NC.   

Is your SO aware of your FIL's effect on you?  Could you cut back on attending events?  Not your SO's birthday I realize, but others?  Are there going to be others there you could sit with/talk to and keep as far away from your FIL as possible throughout?   

[Lingurine]

Good to hear your H is with you on this Kizzie. Mine does understand me going NC with my FOO. We did fight over his though, in the past. I calmly try to make my point now and he seems to have a better ear for it. I have to teach him and it takes a lot of time.

He takes his father not too seriously and I wish I could say the same. I guess that's why I am still a target to his father, because he senses that. I told my SO tonight what he needs to say to draw a line in the sand when his father crosses my boundaries, because I think it's his place to tell him that.

I love my MIL though and know she loves me back so I talk with her, she is bright and funny for her age.

Lingurine

[Kizzie]

Would you feel comfortable enforcing your boundaries with your FIL or is he not someone that would work well with?  I tried to do so with my MIL a number of times way back when, and she would just look confused or get really angry and bring the whole FOO into things so I gave up.  Back then I had no idea about PD behaviour and how to approach her in a less triggering way or disengage from the drama    and /or N rage    I think I could manage it now (but frankly am glad I don't have to try )

[Lingurine]

  I tried several times, verbally and non verbal, but he is like a broken record  can't seem to change. He has developped alzheimers now, so maybe there's something to gain. No, just kidding, he gets worse!  Total confusion.   
We can't follow what he says  not that I understood him before.
He's just empty as a vaze...I try not to take his behaviour personal.

Your MIL sounds like a piece of work either   

I guess am a bit in an emoticon mode   

Lingurine

[Blueberry]

My SIL on whom I've posted a bit since yesterday definitely feels superior. Up till now I've hated that, but I'm beginning to see her in an even less good light since posting about her. So at least in the abstract I 'hate' the situation less. It would probably feel different i.e. worse if I had to have contact with her though.

[Kizzie]

My MIL had dementia the last few years of her life and her behaviour was somewhat less personal in a way.   I didn't see much of her though because it was still triggering and my H was good with that fortunately.   

That's great you and your MIL get along so well. 

[Lingurine]

Severe asthma attack before they come visit, laying on my bed now to put my longs at rest. My body protests, don't want this. I really don't. Maybe I can stay here. Waiting for the doorbell to ring, can't move. This is more serious than I thought and I can no longer hide it, don't want to hide it anymore. I'm so angry. Feel a prisoner in my own home 

Lingurine

[Blueberry]

  Lingurine. Don't know what else I can say to help.

[Lingurine]

Thank you Blueberry, the strangest thing happened, my inlaws were late, we were worried and my SO went to look for them, after an hour they came back at their home, reason, they got stuck in a traffic diversion and headed home afterwards, so they never made it to our house.

The universe has a strange way of helping me...

Lingurine

[Blueberry]

So glad the universe helped out!