So here's my little secret...

[songbirdrosa]

I feel SO self-conscious and guilty every time I post on here. My Inner Critic busts out her club and starts beating me for being too annoying, too needy, too dramatic, for drawing attention to myself. She tells me that I need to just shut up and not bother anyone. Even now, as I write, I feel like I need to apologise because I've been on here talking so much! Every fibre of my being is telling me that nobody wants to hear about my problems. And now I feel guilty because my IC is accusing me of fishing for sympathy! It's gone to meta-stress! Gah! I can't win!

[Kat]

Tell that inner critic to shut her yap!  She's got it all wrong.  What you are doing by reaching out to others is healthy and good.  You deserve things that are healthy and good. 

I have to admit I've felt the same way about posting here.  I was just thinking that one of the reasons it might feel so vulnerable is the lack of immediacy of responses.  It leaves us open to imagining all kinds of possible (negative) responses.  But, I think it's a good thing in the end because it helps us to practice being kind to ourselves in that silent space.  Maybe?

I'm glad you're here, Songbird, and I value what you have to say. 

[woodsgnome]

I also usually feel scared to post. I feel totally inadequate, wondering if I'll be misunderstood or denigrated, and yet I've found this forum isn't full of critics
waiting to pounce, either. Probably as so many here have themselves experienced what it's like not being listened to, believed, allowed, tolerated, or even wanted. I easily relate to that, and it helps ease any sense of inadequacy or disconnection. We're  all hurting.

As to that vicious gremlin known as the ICritic, perhaps you can picture it as a buffoon whose useful time has expired? Might seem strange, but I even thanked mine for protecting me when I needed it, but also have made clear it's not my biggest ally now, and it can enjoy retirement. Sometimes even that won't fully dissolve the anxious bubble I'm in. It's exasperating, but I keep doing it; building a new habit, I hope.   

[Lingurine]

But, I think it's a good thing in the end because it helps us to practice being kind to ourselves in that silent space.  Maybe?

I totally agree Kat.

Songbirdrosa, when we comfort ourselves in that free space after we wrote something, we grow up. It's freedom when you think of it, we can say all kinds of nice things to ourselves while waiting.

Lingurine

[Kizzie]

I feel SO self-conscious and guilty every time I post on here. My Inner Critic busts out her club and starts beating me for being too annoying, too needy, too dramatic, for drawing attention to myself. She tells me that I need to just shut up and not bother anyone. Even now, as I write, I feel like I need to apologise because I've been on here talking so much! Every fibre of my being is telling me that nobody wants to hear about my problems. And now I feel guilty because my IC is accusing me of fishing for sympathy! It's gone to meta-stress! Gah! I can't win!

I want to hear and for some selfish reasons if that helps; that is, I learn from you and everyone on this forum; I don't feel as alone or crazy as I used to because you post and tell me (us) about you; I feel like I am helping you by hearing and validating your experience .....   I could go on but hopefully you get that I (we) get a lot out of your posts 

Keep on posting!   

[songbirdrosa]

Thank you so much for all your kind words, everyone . I think I (and most of us on here as well) am programmed to expect negative responses from all the criticism and hurt in my life. You guys give me hope that there is real kindness out there in the world 

[Resca]

You are absolutely not the only one. I've been littering the boards with posts since I joined yesterday and my IC is telling me that every single one is a piece of trash and I should just log off for good. I think it's normal for people like us to feel that our words and our experiences are not valuable, even when that's definitely not the case. Sharing the pain and the love is what this forum is for, after all!

I want you to know that your post helped me. It helped me understand that I am not alone. And neither are you You are valued here.

[Kizzie]

Keeping silent is a survival tactic that helped us in the past, now we need to learn to  and that can take a while.  This is coming from someone who poured over every post, picking each word carefully and not giving out anything that anyone could pick at me about.  So painful to speak up! There were days I didn't want to post, but did anyway because I felt like it was the way out for me - not staying quiet and isolated any more. Now it's pretty much free flowing. 

I've even found that when I don't get a response I don't automatically default to thinking I am being rejected or all the other nasty, shaming things my Inner Critic would tell me. Instead I think it's because it may be a topic that doesn't resonate, that there are so many posts on the board it's difficult to get through reading them never mind responding, etc.  I don't think it's about me and my failings which has been a huge step forward so all I can say is keep on posting!   

[sinthia820]

I don't know about your inner critic, I'm not sure I have one? I'm new to all this. What I do know is that with every post I read, with everything I learn from everyone on here, with every shared experience, or ahh haa moment, every time I can relate just a little bit, that I am helped. Your words even without intending them to, help me, more than I could ever repay. And I thank you!

[BlancaLap]

Don't worry, you're not bothering anyone. Listen what eveybody is telling you. We are here to help, we don't wanna hurt anyone.

[sigiriuk]

Hi Songbirdrosa
I feel i am going to shouted down when i post. There is a voice telling me that I am pathetic for being part of this Forum.
I tend to hide my anxiety with the way i write my posts.
But inside, i am ready to attack, if I interpret a harmless response, as putting me down.
A year ago, I did not understand the concept of the Inner critic.
Now I realise that it makes me look slightly unhinged when talking to other people.

Thank you for bringing up something, which i could not.

Slim

[Gwyon]

 Oh yes I know about this. Thanks for bravely sharing.

[iasme]

This is my first post and I feel terrified to make this step. But your post and all of the replies have helped me take this small step. So, thanks for posting.

[Three Roses]

Welcome!

[Blueberry]

Welcome iasme  Small steps get us to recovery! Yay you for being brave and reaching out