Hello--New to OOTS

[Kat]

Hello,

I visited this forum a few months ago, but didn't post anything even though I liked what I saw.

A bit about myself:  I'm a 44-year-old female.  I'm the youngest of four siblings.  My mother suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder.  I haven't spoken to her in 12 or so years.  I suspect my father sexually abused me, but have no concrete memories of the abuse.  I've been in psychotherapy for 10-plus years.  I've grown and healed tremendously thanks to therapy.  Of course, I still get hijacked by my CPTSD.  I've struggled with binge drinking for years and am sick to death of it.  Tried AA and Smart Recovery with little success.  The last couple of weeks have been rough, and I've found myself isolating more and more.  I decided to reach out here.

[mourningdove]

Welcome, Kat! 

Glad you reached out.

[Three Roses]

Welcome! Thanks for joining, glad to have you with us 

[Blueberry]

Welcome here, Kat. 

I've been in psychotherapy for 10-plus years.  I've grown and healed tremendously thanks to therapy.  Of course, I still get hijacked by my CPTSD. 

Same here. It's good you reached out to us. I find this forum very supportive and informative. I hope you do too. It wasn't till I learnt about CPTSD (long before I joined the forum) that I learnt that the fact that our healing can take years and decades has to do with the CPTSD Beast itself and is not our fault for not being adequate in some way. I'm sorry for you that you're also in the position of 10+ years invested in healing, but at the same time it's an affirmation for me that I'm not the only one. 

[Kizzie]

Hi and a warm welcome to OOTS Kat     I did a lot of therapy over the years too, but it wasn't until I was diagnosed with CPTSD that I began to recover in a deeper and lasting way.  Up until then I managed to keep my head above water, but that was about it. 

Initially when I found out about having CPTSD I wanted to "rip the bandaid off" and it was just too much.   After shaking my fists at the universe for a while, I am much more content to let recovery unfold gradually. 

Great to have you at OOTS and I hope you do find being here helpful 

[Kat]

Thanks for the warm welcomes, everyone!  I'm looking forward to getting to know everyone and to learning from you all.   

[Boatsetsailrose]

Hi Kat
I can relate
My m bpd. Also the isolated I understand and can use this as a coping mechanism
I am clean and sober 7yrs through aa it has helped and helps me so much to live my life free of addition.. now it's time to face the cptsd
Glad u are here , keep posting

[lisbeth]

I isolate like it's my job - it sucks.  You want company, but then you are terrified of people seeing you... I just joined this group because I'm having a really hard time again (sometimes it seems to get better)  alcohol... I used to binge drink (both parents alcoholics) but stopped.  I still drink to self-medicate but like 1 glass of wine a few times a month.  I smoke pot daily for years but stopped that recently.  it's a struggle because I'm angry and want to get high and chill but can't get pot regularly so... If I could I would get anti-depressant and anti-anxiety, have you tried a psychiatrist.  I have been medicated a few times and it helps a lot.  Sorry you are going through this.

[Visual Water]

Hi Kat 

I'm new also. I identify & empathise so much with what you say.

After 42 years I have moved back to my home state, location of my CPTSD origins, and I'm definitely experiencing more intense symptoms and feelings.

Just wanted to say Hi & wish you well for the moment.

VW