can't stop trigger warning

[silentrhino]

I have been indulging in self harm this whole week , feeling really bad.  I think if we can't talk about it it gets worse, I'm trying to hang on but not doing well this week.

[Supervixn87]

I can totally relate. If you need someone to talk to, Id be happy to listen.

I've gone from cutting to other forms of self harm. I know it always comes from being triggered.  Maybe examining what has happened this week that set you off to self harm will help... what were the feelings behind it, etc.?

I understand how you feel, and again I'll listen without judgement if it helps. I totally get it,  I struggle too. You're not alone

[Three Roses]

I'm sorry to hear what a rough time you're having. I care about you.

[Dee]

How are you doing?  I am a few months self harm free and it is possible to stop.  I identified my triggers and made a plan.  For example if I get upset I can go to the movies.  If it is late at night I need to stay away from where I do it while I keep busy.  Baking is good because it uses all my senses.  I might be baking at 1am but better then cutting at 1am.  Also, who knew I was an artist.  Texting is also good because it keeps my hands busy (as does typing here)!

The first thing is always to breathe, to slow it down.  Then say some affirmations, then move onto something more tangible. 

[Fightsong]

Hi Rhino, it jumped out at me that you used the word ' indulged'. Do you think of it like that - that by doing something you use as a coping mechanism you are indulging yourself?  Can you see how self punishing that thought process might be if you are? Maybe your self harm is a way to make yourself feel better, to take away from the terrible pain. I feel compassion for the Rhino who is so much pain that they hurt themselves to feel better. I hope one day you can find new ways to soothe yourself. I don't think  self compassion is indulgent. Stay safe.

[silentrhino]

Hi all, thanks again for listening.  actually it does feel like indulging, there is a more logical part of the brain that knows that these behaviours aren't "normal" but for me, it feels redeeming, that I can at least control my injuries and no one else can, not anymore.I am flat out of ideas of what to do when I get into this state, I was always told not to "get into a state" when I'd get upset at the family abuse, I was supposed to be robotically compliant and I was physically, mentally I was a fn mess.  I don't fully understand why now I still self injure when there is not a physical threat anymore. I could use some ideas to pull out of these compulsions if anyone has any. thanks, peace and love.   I haven't been able to go a week since the new year without injuring.

[Fightsong]

There's nothing wrong in seeking control over yourself. Nothing . I get that. Self harm is just A way of seeking control and letting out feelings that can't be externalised, so we direct the ( hurt , anger, distress ) internally. We aren't allowed to voice them. Or werent. And pick a release that we must also keep secret. You don't need to keep secrets anymore or keep feelings inside if and when you have a safe place to let them out.  How impulsive is the harming? Have you done it before you even realise? Or have you got a moment where you could say in that split second choose to do something else?  I know for me I have had both at times. If I've got the chance I might literally jump up and run outside/ away / to another room/ jump in the shower. And the moment passes. How often are you wanting to harm and managing not to?  What's the difference between those times and the times you do?  How can you offer yourself control and compassion without the harm?

[silentrhino]

thank you for the thought provoking questions, I have no idea what else i might do,I don't ever offer self compassion, Its not impulsive, it's methodical, not planned, but unplanned pain. the best I can do is try to not have sharps on me.  does anyone else feel scared/upset when they feel "safe"or "good" for any period of time.  I know I do, it feels like I'm faking and will have to pay for it.

[Blueberry]

Feeling 'good' used to be pretty worrying for me because I thought it meant I'd have to act 100% healthy and manage my whole life again in a normal way, especially working full-time. I didn't realise then that that was one of those FOO messages. I have my own opinion on this now, not FOO's opinion, and so feeling 'good' is not threatening.

Maybe you could try offering self-compassion? In inpatient therapy anybody who did self-harming or who went in for a round of addictive behaviour had to practise self-compassion in a way that was difficult, but possible, for them. And for a limited length of time. Two minutes, five minutes. That kind of thing. If you're trying on your own at home, then try the easiest for you. You can tell yourself compassionate things, or you can do something compassionate. Sometimes I gently brush my hair. I'm being gentle with myself, giving my body a different message. That's all.