My type of self-harm - Trigger warning

[Desert Flower]

And I wanted to add: we have to be so very easy with ourselves here Blueberry, very very gentle. As to not compound our situation. You are doing great. I'm very proud of you.

[Blueberry]

Thank you for your support, Sadie, OwnSide and Desert Flower.

You're right DF, we have to be gentle with ourselves here. It seems that painting I was doing brought up too much, tho I don't even know what it all brought up. Whatever it was, I spent a lot of time reading and dozing and Internetting and self-harming and eating / also NOT eating in order not to feel. And so I eventually remembered that a breakthrough where I suddenly have energy and impetus and will-power can be too much, or feel too much.

OwnSide/Sadie - since I have Parts too, I think however they make themselves known you can let them write or write from their pov on here, unless a particular mbr objects, imho. For somebody w/o Parts it might be strange, but as I say, I have Parts, tho I've been ignoring them recently

[Blueberry]

Unfortunately, I'm VERY inactive and constantly going back to bed to doze and read. Or roam around the Internet half the night. Have taken zero of the steps I was imagining doing. Trying to be gentle with myself, or at least not criticise too much. Constant SH is hard to stop atm.

Ditto in the last little while. I'm especially fiddling with my eyelashes and pulling them out so much that my eyes are sore.

This type of self-harm is called trichotillomania and is definitely different from other types of "I'm harming myself by doing... / not doing..." e.g. it's harmful for me to not take my meds but it's just not the same as tricho, which even has its own ICD-10 number.

[NarcKiddo]

 

[sanmagic7]

 

[Kizzie]

Hi BB, so sorry to hear you are dealing with trichotillomania     Are you able to figure out why this SA has risen up recently?

[Blueberry]

Thank you for your support, NK, san and Kizzie.

No, Kizzie, I don't know really why tricho came up so badly last week. It's tricky. It has mutually opposing reasons to exist, e.g. I can do it as a calming measure but also as a measure to jump start myself into doing something, especially if I'm a bit dissociated. Plus there are many many situations in which I may start doing it. I've journalled on it before and anything and everything can set me off. It often takes me a while to figure out that I'm even doing it.

When I use other addictive behaviour or different 'methods' of getting out of dodge, there's a much narrower 'selection' of triggers to each behaviour or method. But tricho  -anything and everything.