Hi I'm new

[kaji]

I am a 50+ woman and last night was the 1st time I ever heard of C-PTSD and I'll tell you what I cried my eyes out and at the same time am finally relieved to have read such an excellent article describing almost exactly how I've felt & what I've been going through all my life!  I was horribly physically abused many times a day, everyday since I was a toddler (and probably since I was born). I finally got the courage to runaway when I was 15 and never spoke to her again!  I did alot of partying early on and have been in & out of the jug every few years up until about 10 yrs ago. During this past 10 years I have lost a ton of people whom I considered my family (illnesses, car wrecks, etc.)  And in the midst of all that the unthinkable happened... my oldest son, who was always the apple of my eye, very successful & intelligent turned into a really drug addict and lost everything he worked so hard for, including me & his little brother.  My boys are my only family & I felt like I have had about a thousand nervous breakdowns these past 7 or 8 maybe 9 years.  Life hasn't been enjoyable... Anyway, there's more but that should suffice for my intro for now.

[radical]

A warm welcome, Kaji,
I can only imagine how hard this must be for you.  After so much hardship and sorrow, I'm sure one of your greatest wishes would be that your own children should be spared from this kind of pain and trouble.

As is so often the case, your sorrows have multiplied, when you most needed support and the space to find your way.  Life is unfair and often cruel.

I'm glad you've found your way here, and that you are on your way to understanding and healing.  There is so much beauty and love, also, in this world, and you deserve to be able to find it and experience it.

Looking forward to hearing more from you

[Boatsetsailrose]

Hello Kaji , warmest wishes sent to you for your journey of recovery ...
I too felt a relief and belonging that I hadn't felt before when I heard of complex ptsd .. from that came me joining this community which is so healing / supportive and informative ..
I've learnt I am a product of what happened and now I can heal from this ..
I've found a charity that does long term trauma work and feel incredibly grateful
For this...
I can relate to the breakdowns .. this past 2 yrs has been hard mentally/ emotionally ( as well as many other time in my life)
Learning what we need and what aids comfort is so helpful for us
At the moment I am listening to
Tara brach ( u tube) her compassion meditation is really soothing

[Candid]

Welcome aboard, kaji! 

[kaji]

Thanks for the welcome and understanding! Feels so good to know others are going thru this lifelong battle!  I have been doing yoga stretches for all my aches & pains and I do listen to a ton of music, which seems to help the most (but only when I have my full-size headphones on & the volume cranked) so my hearing is pretty shot after all these years! It's worth it for all the relief it gives me though!  lol Am looking forward to working on myself through this forum!