Hi all

[Rooter Soho]

39 on Thursday, suffered emotional, physical, psychological abuse from Mom, Dad, and​ 3/4 of my Grandparents from 4, when sis was born, until 18 when I left them behind with no life skills. I've had a messed up life. I've never made more than 25k in a year. I have 2 kids from 1st wife I signed over and don't see. I have a long time gf and an 8 yr old daughter. I've been clean from meth for 6 years in May, and I quit smoking over 1.5 years ago.

I discovered cptsd 2 months ago when I typed how I felt into Google. I have a very low self worth, self hating, yada. I found an article by Pete Walker today, then found this board, and now I'm here. Now, to find the search bar . . . 

[mourningdove]

Welcome, Rooter Soho! 

I've never made over 25k either! You're not alone. Sorry that you have been through so many terrible experiences.

I'm glad you are here.

[Rooter Soho]

Thanks! Me too. My symptoms have been getting worse? more noticeable to me? I'm not sure how to put it. I almost just think they feel worse, cuz I can't ever remember being okay. To put a name to what's wrong with me and to find out all my symptoms come from my trauma is almost freeing. I'm starting therapy as soon as we move, in a month or 2.

The biggest thing is my lack of motivation - I think about finally catching a break and getting a job and I don't care. (Gf usually makes okay money). She talks to me about it and gets angry, but, whatever.

[Boatsetsailrose]

Hi rooter soho
I can relate to what you say .. quote 'life skills, addiction , self worth '
It's amazing we get out of addiction ! Then can pave the way to further healing . When I put a name to what I experience I experienced a freedom and belonging that was supportive ..
this forum is such a blessing and safe place
I've been off work since Jan and yep motivation is an issue to me ( the meds make me more sluggish)
Fear can hold me back too..
But I am looking forward to regaining my status in society

[Boatsetsailrose]

My symptoms have got worse - or more as I have put my addictions down I gain more clarity over them..
Maybe with age I am more articulate in my internal experiences ?

[Candid]

Glad you found your way to us, Rooter Soho. 

[Kizzie]

Hi and a warm welcome to you Rooter 

[Rooter Soho]

Thanks for the support guys!!! I'm so glad I've found this site. You'll be seeing me a lot I'm sure.