Feeling Suicidal Again

[BlueMoon_]

I was suicidal about 3 months ago, was in therapy then and then got better, but now has been the first time I have been suicidal again.

I think for a while I have just accepted that I am weak and unable to defend myself or others, and accepted my life was going to be that way. But I feel like since going to more therapy my self esteem has raised and I don't want to live a life like that anymore, it's too disgusting.

My therapist told me to look at the facts before, since they can be distorted, but this is the facts. I'll never be strong enough to defend myself.

[NarcKiddo]

I hope you managed to find help and support with these feelings.

[Kizzie]

BlueMoon, if you are actively having thoughts of committing suicide you really need to get some professional help.  We of course support and care about you but we can't really help you over the Internet except to say please get some help. Our trauma makes us feel so dark at times and like we will never come out of it into the light of day, but many of us do, with help and treatment.

We have listed a number of resources here -  https://www.outofthestorm.website/emergency.  You can also go to the closest ER of a hospital.

You're not entirely alone with this feeling, many of us have been in the same place and we hope you can feel that we are here in the background hoping you will get the help you need.   

[Blueberry]

My therapist told me to look at the facts before, since they can be distorted, but this is the facts. I'll never be strong enough to defend myself.

It may have seemed that way for a long time and it still may seem that way, but that could change! Once you're well on the road to healing, surprising things can happen for the better.

I hope you're feeling a little more stable than last week. As Kizzie said, if you're actively suicidal you need to speak to somebody IRL who can support you in the moment. For other support, we are here