Difficulties connecting with the Inner Child

[Sandals]

I am struggling with connecting with my IC. It's on my list of things to talk to my T about but thought I would also ask here.

In a nutshell, the only things I feel I can say to her that really resonate are "I love you" and "you're good" - both of which are powerful, but I would like to expand beyond that.

I have been feeling lately like I've been losing my identity because I'm losing my reference points. My T validated today that yes, that is likely happening, because I am breaking out of a very strong family system. I think that the breakdown of my marriage is also impacting it in some ways, too.

So I've been working on defining my own likes and self-expression. It feels so hard after spending almost half my life with someone else and admittedly choosing to adopt his likes as my own. It's hard to sort out what do I really like for me or if I should just reject all of it and find my own new likes. I'm starting more with the latter as it feels easier to discern.

Anyways, I had the epiphany today that this likely ties deeply to my inner child and the need to get to know her. There are a few obvious things that I can say I know (reading, animals, music) but asides from that, the list is practically non-existent, likely because she never had the opportunity to develop that side of herself.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How did you move forward?

[Rain]

Self-Care topic

http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=383.msg4028#msg4028

[Sandals]

Thank you, Rain. I love how you bring her along with you. I will try that.

I know you're right on the words she needs to hear; I can feel it with how she reacts when I even say something as simple as "I love you." I have this block (inner critic, maybe?) in telling her these things b/c I feel like I'm telling them to adult me and therefore focusing too much attention on myself...being too selfish... I'm struggling to capture the essence properly with words. It's as if IC is saying, "You're not allowed to give yourself affection, your affection is only for other people, not you."

Gah. Now that I've written that out, I can clearly see that self-love is still a huge struggle.

[Badmemories]

Hi all! 

Rain wrote:
I've written on this elsewhere, but I take Pete Walker's advice to strongly, vehemently reject the inner critic.   I visualize the thing as an external, disgusting, negative creature and my inner kid and I think of awful things to do to it.   Last month, we banished it to the moon, saw it stuck in a trash compactor, darts pinning it to a wall at the shopping mall ...my inner kid and I think of great visuals to do to the inner critic!!!!   "We" have fun!!   

It really does shut the thing up....for a day, perhaps more, at least for me.    Others have their techniques in the forum.   You may discover something new that works for you, then share!

I am still having trouble connecting to the Inner critic.  Sometimes as I have stated before I think He comes out as a list of rules. They really do stifle me!

Rain wrote:
For me, the block is the inner critic who thinks you do not deserve kind words or affection.  The inner critic serves up the same crap your parents did.

The other day I was talking to MOM about all the bugs I am getting from the children... she said You always was sickly! The Inner Child spoke up and said that I have not been very sick in years..I was proud of her for standing Up to the illusions that My Mom has about me! Yeah for Pammy Sue!


Rain wrote:
Love that little girl you remember ...do you see her?    Can you pick her up in your imagination, straighten out her clothes?  That is self-love, Sandals.   Keep going with that ...sit on the floor and talk as if you do see her, or if you pat your hand on your heart, as you close your eyes and talk to the image you remember of your little girl.

Stand in the middle of a room, hold your arms out, close your eyes, see your little girl and start telling her what you see ...you see her playing in the yard, picking up the sticks, start with that.   Then, share with her the feelings you felt at that moment ...just keep talking ...it's for you and her.

Sit in a comfy couch, wrap your arms around you and squeeze your arms with a hug while you talk to her.   See her in your mind's eye.

I am going to try this! I have been thinking about Pammy Sue a lot recently, but more about her HURTS! Maybe I need to focus again on her in a soothing way!

Keep On keeping on!