Bad memory, tired, no assertiveness

[Rainydaze]

I've been triggered for the last couple of weeks and it all started because someone wanted to return an item to me which I had sold on Ebay. It sounds so daft that something that minor was my trigger (which in itself has led to me feeling a lot of shame), but it did get a bit complicated and I guess it was stress that I didn't need which has become exacerbated by other things stressing me out. I decided yesterday that since I haven't been sleeping as well lately then I could benefit from being a bit nicer to myself and taking things a bit more slowly.

Today I got my hair cut which was OK, I kept fluffing my words as I spoke to the hairdresser (anyone else get this?!) but it wasn't terrible. I felt like that was enough so started walking home looking forward to a quiet afternoon, then got stopped by a really charismatic, chatty saleswoman asking for a regular monthly donation to a charity. I accidentally said 'yes' to a question rather than 'no', then realised too late that she had said, "So I trust we can rely on you for a monthly donation?" and didn't have the energy to backtrack and explain that I wanted to refuse. I feel mean saying that but money is another of my issues at the moment, I'm not working full time anymore and don't have a lot of spare cash, plus I had already donated this month to a charity. I couldn't even afford the haircut but had already booked in advance!

The one positive I suppose is that I'm not hating myself for this because I know that in a better state of mind I would have handled things better. When the fog descends I just lose any assertiveness, I get very tired, I withdraw into myself, I have trouble articulating my speech and I forget words and basic facts. I usually come through this soon enough, it's just frustrating when it does happen. I could really have done without needing my (already limited) bank of assertiveness today, it goes on hiatus when I'm triggered.

<--- Me at the moment, hehe. I will get through it, it's just hard when my brain doesn't play ball. 

[Three Roses]

Oh how I so totally get this! I saw a meme on Facebook the other day that said it all for me: "Yes, I'm strong - but I'm tired."

Just wanted you to know you're not alone! 

[Eyessoblue]

Sounds very normal to me, I would have acted exactly the same it's only afterwards when the 'fog' descends that you realise what you have done. I do it all the time and hate it.  Brain fog is horrendous but all,part of cptsd unfortunately!