Ongoing / Complex PTSD

[Rusticus]

I'm looking for guidance / resources / websites that address the emotional trauma that results from an emotionally abusive long-term relationship.  I believe I have C-PTSD that was originally established as a result of being raised by emotionally neglectful parents.  But I'm in a now in a long-term marriage (25+ years) in which my wife has replace my parents as a source of emotional trauma. 

[Three Roses]

Hi, and welcome to you rusticus

I think Pete Walker's website would be a good start for you:
http://pete-walker.com

There is a ton of info there and it can be overwhelming, so be sure to move at a comfortable pace. Thanks for joining!

[Rusticus]

Thank you, Three Roses.

I'm happy to join this community.  I have working my way slowly through Pete Walker's book (Complex PTSD:  Surviving to Thriving) but that seems focused on the emotional trauma suffered in childhood; not ongoing emotional abuse / trauma from an adult relationship. 

Is it possible to recover one's true self and heal my old wounds at the same time my wife is resisting my growth and actively abusing me emotionally?  Has anyone ever had success with this?

[Three Roses]

Is it possible to recover one's true self and heal my old wounds at the same time my wife is resisting my growth and actively abusing me emotionally?

If you are healing old wounds but constantly receiving new ones, then I would say it's improbable.

[Quiet One]

Hello. Although I didn't know the term CPTSD, I knew I had issues that contributed to my being trapped in nearly three decades of an abusive marriage. I put them on the back burner so I could get through the stressful process of the divorce. It is a tough spot to be in and sometimes you can only handle so much at once. I can't tell you what to do. One thing that helps me is working with a good therapist. I found Pete Walker's book very helpful, too.

[Healing Finally]

I'm looking for guidance / resources / websites that address the emotional trauma that results from an emotionally abusive long-term relationship.  I believe I have C-PTSD that was originally established as a result of being raised by emotionally neglectful parents.  But I'm in a now in a long-term marriage (25+ years) in which my wife has replace my parents as a source of emotional trauma.

Hi Rusticus  - I have recently found out that I have C-PTSD as well, due to emotional neglectful parents (a very simple way to describe my situation.)  The thing is, I've had this very negative view of myself which was set up long ago.  THEN, I put myself in positions of abuse all my life.  I believe it's very important to address your experiences and feelings as a child as they have built your current foundation. 

I agree with you that Pete Walker's book is very specific to abuse in the family as we experienced it as children.  I'm currently working with a book called "The Complex PTSD workbook, a mind-body approach to regaining emotional control & becoming whole." by Arielle Schwartz, Phd.  It is helping me a lot with my current pain and anguish today as well as addressing patterns from the past.

Wishing you the best with your health and happiness! 

[lambchop]

Rusticus,

My experience isn't similar but may be relative. I come from an abusive upbringing. I was abused by my parents and an older sister who were victims themselves but are also Narcissists. The empathy genes they should've inherited were passed on to me so I was always catering to their needs instead of my own. I sought help when I was 22. Therapy helped unleash many things but life changed and I could no longer continue with her. I wasn't living the life I had envisioned but it was good enough and was financially secure - though I couldn't find the one thing I wanted most, a healthy, mutually loving relationship. A few more therapists later (that mostly went nowhere), I thought I was doing okay until 2009 came along. My dad continued to taunt and abuse my mother and I went on a mission of rescue completely unprepared for the emotional triggers I was about to set off inside of me. While I was rescuing them I completely neglected myself and have paid a dear price financially, physically and emotionally. They remain together, I'm now legally and financially responsible for their welfare while I struggle to regain my footing in life.

I can tell you from my own experience that it's impossible to recover and heal your wounds when someone is there to constantly rub salt on them whether intentionally or unintentionally. And it's extremely difficult to recover from trauma without a nurturing support system.

I have to wonder if your wife is being triggered by you and can't handle that she too may be wounded therefore doesn't have the capacity to give you what you need. Is she open to couple's counseling? If not, at some point you need to decide who it is you need to be devoted to - you or the marriage?  If you choose to remain with her as you try to heal, you'll need to find a way to emotional distance yourself from her as you figure out the best course you need to take for yourself. I've had some luck finding articles through Google searches on how to emotionally distance yourself from a loved one.

I hope you find the answers you seek and the path forward presents itself soon enough. Be well and hug yourself because you might just    on yourself like I did.