Social anxiety

[Rainydaze]

I've struggled with social anxiety for as long as I can remember. Now I know the existence of CPTSD I can see that it is probably a by-product of that, so I try not to be too hard on myself about it nowadays. Unfortunately I had the added problem growing up of only really having one close school friend who was very controlling. Now when I look back on what happened to me I see that she latched on to me as someone weak who she could control as I had already been weakened by my father. Unfortunately as a result I was trapped thinking I could only have one friend and never learned how to socialise with other people.

It's so hard but I think the mantra "feel the fear and do it anyway" helps. I try to remember that I have distorted thinking so I follow how other people interact to get an idea of what is acceptable socially. I think CPTSD makes it harder for us as if you're feeling really down and insecure it feels impossible to connect to anyone on a fun level. I had this the other night when out for a meal with a friend, I was there physically but mentally I was all over the place. If it's not a close friendship then the other person isn't necessarily going to understand where your head's at, you just come across as aloof.

The danger is thinking that it will magically get easier as you get older, which is what I always believed when I was a teenager. Now I'm much older I can see that relationships need to be nurtured and a real effort has to be made. Helps to know who you are though so you can make healthy boundaries with people and find those with similar interests, as you're all aware with CPTSD this isn't easy!

[Dutch Uncle]

It's so hard but I think the mantra "feel the fear and do it anyway" helps.

That is such a beautiful attitude. Thanks for sharing. 

It reminds me of two quotes:
"I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave (wo)man is not he who does not feel afraid, but (s)he who conquers that fear."
- Nelson Mandela

and

"If we take the generally accepted definition of bravery as a quality which knows no fear, I have never seen a brave (wo)man. All (wo)men are frightened. The more intelligent they are, the more they are frightened."
- George S. Patton
(updated for gender-equality  )

We are not alone. 

[Rainydaze]

It's so hard but I think the mantra "feel the fear and do it anyway" helps.

That is such a beautiful attitude. Thanks for sharing. 

It reminds me of two quotes:
"I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave (wo)man is not he who does not feel afraid, but (s)he who conquers that fear."
- Nelson Mandela

and

"If we take the generally accepted definition of bravery as a quality which knows no fear, I have never seen a brave (wo)man. All (wo)men are frightened. The more intelligent they are, the more they are frightened."
- George S. Patton
(updated for gender-equality  )

We are not alone. 

Absolutely! Wonderful quotes there and yay for gender equality.  The more I understand CPTSD the more compassion I feel for those who live with social anxiety, after what we've been through it's no wonder our brains are wired up a bit differently.