I want to be stronger

[FreedomIsSweet]

I have been pushing down my anger for so long and it's finally coming out.

I left my abusive marriage in July. Plugging along. Pushing through. Found an apartment, started the divorce proceedings...

Trying to do everything right in such a wrong situation.

And now all of a sudden here is the anger. Here is the despair. Here are the nightmares. Sometimes when I'm driving I see explosions.

I feel like I've been hit by a train. I thought I was making progress. And now I'm lashing out in anger. In small ways. So out of character for me.

I wish I were stronger. I don't want this horrible man to control my life anymore. I feel like the residual pain and emotions I have is just him holding the puppet strings. I want to be stronger.

I hate him.

[radical]

Hi FIS,

Boy, do I know what it feels like for the dam to burst and be hit with what feels like a lifetime of anger.  It's so visceral, and hard to contain.

You must be very strong to be where you are now.  Getting out, getting set up in a new life, those are big.

I'm sorry for what you've been through.  You are not alone with it.

[Three Roses]

Hello and welcome to you, FreedomIsSweet!

It sounds to me like you're already strong. It takes a lot of strength to live thru abuse, and a lot to get free of it.

Thanks for joining!  (BTW I liked your poem, too.)

[bring em all in]

FreedomIsSweet- I agree with the others, you are strong- and getting stronger! It takes strength to deal with the trauma we've experienced, and strength to face our fears and angers. I know sometimes I wish I was back in the fog of denial, but there's no going back once you "wake up" to the realities of your situation.

[Dee]

I hear a lot about what a strong woman I am.  I don't feel that way.  The other day I was told "you don't see how strong you are, do you?"  The answer was no.  But reading your post I see strength.  To leave someone abusive and to call this man horrible is a victory.  To see him for what he really is.  Awareness is one of the most difficult things that I have encountered.