MY problem is tons more hard than yours!

[LaurelLeaves]

Ever get tired of this?  I do all the time.  I try to talk about my feelings, and I get this push-back saying "my minority is more disrespected than yours".  Like, I wasn't comparing our problems, dude, I was just trying to talk about my feelings.

[Three Roses]

Yes, this happens a lot. I inwardly react the same way you've stated. they just don't get it. 

[radical]

I think it is called the "Oppression Olympics".  It's a big problem having people feeling competitive instead of listening and supporting each other.  It's so frustrating, it just turns into another form of silencing (or trying to).

[mourningdove]

Yes! I find this very irritating.

Let's all get out out Intersecting Oppression (TM) slide rules and calculate who gets to silence whom. 
This is the opposite of solidarity.

[Three Roses]

I think it is called the "Oppression Olympics"

Let's all get out out Intersecting Oppression (TM) slide rules and calculate who gets to silence whom.

These are awesome!

[Wife#2]

Hubby and I stopped this because we were both there the day:

Two friends were over, with wives. The men left the room, I and the ladies were talking. I was in the kitchen refreshing tea glasses when one began talking about all her diagnoses related to mental health. The other, HONESTLY said, 'That's tough. But, you know, I was just diagnosed with ... (an even scarier mental health condition)'. The two began comparing the symptoms, meds, etcetera. There were lots of exlamations of 'Yeah, well when I...' and 'That's not so bad if you consider when I...' For half an hour!

My returning with their drinks didn't slow either down a bit. I was too stunned to stop them! They weren't talking as compatriots going through similar challenges, they were comparing to disparage the other!  I just smiled and said something like, 'Wow, ladies! I don't have a dog in that hunt, but both of you sound like you've got some hard challenges.' Of course, I was still in total denial about my childhood emotional abuse and I'd never been diagnosed with anything, so...

Anyway, hubby and I talked about it later and said his initial response was more likely to be, 'What are you doing? Complaining or bragging?' We both burst out laughing - it was SUCH a great response! That seemed like the BEST response to me, whenever you state something you would like to discuss and anyone else answers with THEIR situation or condition. Hubby and I will use this if one wants to talk and the other tries the shut-down with THEIR situation. It works and can still make us laugh about that day.

It's a good response and you are welcome to steal and modify it if you think it would help. Just, if anyone starts in with how THEIR situation is SO MUCH HARDER, WORSE, BIGGER, MORE IMPORTANT than yours - so, Are you complaining or bragging?

[Contessa]

How about this one (and please take this as irony):

Something along the lines of "My workload is larger than yours and more important" - from the guy who abused me to the point of my needing to go to hospital, thereby  putting me in a six-month work haiatus while I recovered and slowly caught up on my work 

So silly. And yes, time is better spent supporting each other rather than competing with each other

[PhoenixRising2015]

Anyway, hubby and I talked about it later and said his initial response was more likely to be, 'What are you doing? Complaining or bragging?' We both burst out laughing - it was SUCH a great response! That seemed like the BEST response to me, whenever you state something you would like to discuss and anyone else answers with THEIR situation or condition. Hubby and I will use this if one wants to talk and the other tries the shut-down with THEIR situation. It works and can still make us laugh about that day.

It's a good response and you are welcome to steal and modify it if you think it would help. Just, if anyone starts in with how THEIR situation is SO MUCH HARDER, WORSE, BIGGER, MORE IMPORTANT than yours - so, Are you complaining or bragging?

I love this answer!  Totally stealing it 

[MyselfOnline]

I find this annoying, maybe even more so than what happens when I want to talk about how bad something feels and another person replies, "Oh yes, that happens to all of us". I never know then if she is trying to show solidarity or to diminish my experience. Possibly it's a sort of denial or protection from having to empathise with a greater pain. I see this as much like the 'mine's bigger than yours' response, but more insidious, the 'we're the same size so button up' response.

[Contessa]

On the flipside, sometimes when i've had conversations with different people and want to avoid the "woe is me" connotation by adding a "but I can't really complain, there are people out there who have it much worse than I do", I've been met with a pleasant and completely validating response:

"There is no worse or better, just different"

Its nice to know that whatever the severity, some do recognise that you have the right to feel the pain that comes with negative events.