What is a journal?

[radical]

I didn't know where to put this, but this seems to be the most "general" spot.

I want to make a comment and ask a question about journals.  It is related to a recent comment about people being less likely to comment on others' journal entries.  With a couple of exceptions related to particular circumstances, that's true of me.  I'm unlikely to read a post in a journal.  I've never read anything written in most of the journals here.

I've just finished writing in my journal.  For me, a journal is an internal, private dialogue.  I was surprised there were people journaling in this site because, from my point of view, that seems like a contradiction in terms.  For me, the freedom to explore in a journal relies on it being private.  My journal isn't open for feedback.  I realise that this is just my own attitude to journals. Maybe this is why I feel there is a tension with journals on this site.  I don't like to feel there are people who want or need to be heard being missed.  It seems that journals could more easily than with open posting, recreate toxic FOO and related adult experiences.

The main question I'd like to ask is: why do people journal rather than post? 

My feeling is that I'd prefer that journals were not open for comments and that if the writer feels that they are wanting or just willing to have a part of their journal become part of a conversation, that they copy and paste it into a separate post.

What do other people feel?

[woodsgnome]

Perhaps the basic difference here is the title "recovery journal". That section provides a space to specifically reflect and expand on the process of recovery in one's journey. It's not a general catch-all journal but one that collects, or tries to, those thoughts pertinent to an individual's personal story.

That's my approach, anyway--I'm trying to ask myself what's different in my recovery from where it was previously, how I've changed (or want to), what my resistance points have been; not that I always succeed in doing so, but I try. It also allows me to expand a bit and hone in on what's most important to my recovery. Sometimes it's hard to do that in a strict back-and-forth, point/counterpoint format. I've done both, but a separate recovery journal provides another way to think out loud, I guess.

Regarding the private/public factor, each individual approach is unique, but something they've experienced or write about might be useful to others...or not; but it's a step away from the purely back-and-forth (which has been, I've read, the starting point for 'flame wars' on many other sites). The writer, in turn, might feel freer to expand on thoughts which may or may not elicit responses. It's not designed for that, although it certainly can go that route and has gone both ways on this forum.

I think it's another niche some like, some maybe not so much; it just provides an alternative to the purely  back-and-forth sections. Much like the quotes in the cafe section, the music threads, the research suggestions, and others--some draw comments, many don't. They might not fit well into anything else; lots of reasons, I suppose.

I hesitated on the idea of posting a recovery journal. Over the years, I've kept dozens of private journals but there tended to be no flow to them. A journal specifically referred to as a "recovery" tool provides a focus and isn't just a smattering of random thoughts.

Again, others might or might not feel connected to what's written in them, but that's just as true of many topics in regular discussion formats. Writing in a journal is just another option, a place to reflect on one's path from another perspective. This can't always be done in separate posts. On a forum geared to share, having a section where members can write freely about what their recovery journey has entailed and/or where it might be going, seems entirely fitting. We're here to share and that's really all the "recovery journal" section suggests. It's another option.

Yes, it feels vulnerable at times but so is most of anything one writes on this forum. At this point any steps one can make seems worth going for. Fearing judgement, as I do, it seems almost safer sometimes to accept that a journal isn't an argument designed around logic and practicality, but an open conversation where one's heart can feel free to express as much as it feels comfortable with; and perhaps discover something by feeling allowed to open up in this way.   

[radical]

Thank for answering, Woodsgnome,

I didn't understand.  I see I got it wrong.
Is it partly about feeling more free to follow your heart and imagination, and being your own journal, more control of how or whether people respond?
Do you want others to read your journal, and to talk to you about what you've written?

I'm sorry if it sounded like a criticism.  I feel guilty about rarely reading journals, especially since I hadn't realised Meursault's journal was a journal for a while.  I tend to immediately go into "recent unread" and screen out journals unless I don't notice a post is one. 

It seemed that someone had been left out because they chose to join the forum via a journal, and I wondered if those who journal feel left out, or feel that things that are important to them are ignored.

It's a different format.  I enjoy what you write, but I suspect when I've read what you've written it's been because I didn't notice it was a journal entry.

[woodsgnome]

For me, it's not about control, but just a more personal way to dig into the recovery process via reflecting on my own experiences. This can happen on many regular posts, but in a journal one is staying within their own unique circumstances. If it elicits comments, that's great; if not, it's still an example of one person's trek to make sense of their own cptsd journey.

Reading a journal of someone else's regrets, failures, or just ponderings might lead the reader to compare and consider their own situation in that light. For the writer, it's risky in that it brings up old wounds and grief, but at times even being vulnerable can help one find new insights into old woes. In my case, I'm willing to take that risk if it helps me to make better sense of where I've been, am now, and can move towards.   

Journals can be stand alone writings (per the forum guidelines), but they are definitely open to comments (at least mine are; and I welcome anyone wishing to note something I've touched on). In turn, I've responded to certain points brought up in other member journals. It's just not the same point/counterpoint spin than is the case in other threads.

In that sense, the journal resembles an inner conversation more than a friend-to-friend type. While a journal doesn't necessarily reference others, the hope is that the reader at least comes away with an example of how someone else coped along the way.

That said, I'm sure some who join this forum might indeed be confused at the difference. It's really more about tone and style than content, as the issues brought up in either journals or posts show up in many areas of the site.

[radical]

Hi Woodsgnome,
I was so off when I wrote that comment.  I'm just off generally at the moment; scrambled, afraid.

That said, thank you for sharing what journaling is for you.  If I'm hearing you correctly, and I need to check, especially with where I'm at:  It's about the fine details, an ever-changing but on-going narrative, building a picture without knowing the end result. Something to stand back from, and see new form in as it takes shape?

It is courageous and generous to share.  The more subtle tones and contradictions so easily get lost in the back and forth of conversation.

[woodsgnome]

Radical, you wondered if I view a journal as "building a picture without knowing the end result. Something to stand back from, and see new form in as it takes shape?"

Yes, yes, and yes...and that new form is like reusing an old canvas--you work with it 'til you are able to honestly see the whole story, maybe even surprise yourself with what you find; like a voyage inside, to discover what you can (not all of it necessarily 'good'). And hopefully allow others to see what you've discovered as well.

   

[meursault]

Mostly, Ive been posting to my journal because I don't want to annoy or inconvenience anyone, or if someone doesn't want to read what I say they can avoid my journal and see a lot less of what I post.  I figure I don't want to spread my "crazy" all over the forum, and thought it beat to keep it all self contained, especially not knowing just how nuts I was going to be getting going through my legal stuff....

I also think I probably don't have a lot to offer others here, and feel like I won't say anything that matters to them, so I can only really post about personal stuff as it relates to what they say in the hope they might find something of use.  I hate how self centred it is, but I don't feel my opinion on other people is likely to be helpful or matter to them, so I can only really post something that seems similar or related about myself to contribute.

[Three Roses]

Meursault, fwiw I've learned a lot and gained a lot of insight from your posts. Thanks for being here and posting.

[Dee]

I have two journals.  The one I keep here is about breaking secrets.  I try not to have secrets like I did when I was young.  Keeping secrets compounds the shame.  I need somewhere that I don't have to hide and be ashamed.  I have a second journal that I write in at home that is more about my personal reflections. 

[woodsgnome]

Meursault, when you said--"I also think I probably don't have a lot to offer others"--I think you probably echo how most who are on this forum feel. It seems pretty common, understandably so. Most of us were so put down in one way or another, and multiple times, that it's remarkable we even still have individual voices that survived the onslaught.

I think everyone here is still grappling with the idea that they, too, have a voice and that yes, there really are others who've been down the same sort of road and are still traveling. Some speak more often, but all have a valid voice based on those experiences.

Which is just my way of offering a group hug  for all who contribute here. Sometimes it takes a lot to muster enough confidence that anyone cares, why should they, why would they; and all the usual. After all, self-doubt rides high in our damaged souls. An individual contribution might seem trivial sometimes, but often the smallest observation can mean something that will provide insight and perhaps boost someone when they need it; even it it sometimes seems unrelated.

While yes , we're individuals here, we're also part of a unique group with lots of sharing and learning, and our prime teachers? Each other. 

[radical]

 

Seconding the group hug, and everything you wrote.

Love and hugs to all my fellow teachers/students here.  You are beautiful human beings.