I'm a very cold person.

[LaurelLeaves]

The day I hear that my mother is dead, I know that I will feel nothing.
The day I hear that my father is dead, I will feel only relief.
This, despite the fact that they really didn't do anything to traumatize me.
They are deep down good people with just a few faults, like everyone.

This makes me a very cold person.
What this really makes me a person with a without a mother and father... just these two people with whom I have to be cordially friendly towards, because they provided for me when I was too young to provide for myself. 
I didn't bond with them. 

I write this because I'm going back next week to visit them because mother's in rehab for COPD.
I write this because my husbands Uncle just died, who was like a real father to him, and he's pretty shook up by it...
and I can't relate.

[radical]

I'm seeing my mother at Christmas.  I feel the same way.  It feels horrible, like I'm watching a movie.

Children don't fail to bond with parents, it is never this way around.  Parents fail to bond with children.  In the rare cases of children being unable to be bonded with, there is no feeling of disconnect or unease, no painful awareness of what should be but isn't, no dissociation.

There was a long time when I was trauma bonded to my mother, but now that's lifted I feel like Spock in 'Star Trek', and that most of my interactions with my family are a weird, and very old TV programme with familiar characters, and a badly written script.  I'm on the outside and always was.

I don't believe it is our fault.  I don't believe you are a cold person

[Dee]

That is a great way to look at it.  I have issues with my mother and feel bad that I cringe when the phone rings and I see it is her.  I also feel bad that sometimes I think i am just waiting for my parents to die so I can move on. 

I'm seeing my parents in a week and a half.  I'll be in the area, staying in a hotel, but I will be in town and so I'll meet them for dinner both nights.  I'll try not to feel so badly when I look at them and not feel anything positive.

I too have often felt cold.

[LaurelLeaves]

but now that's lifted I feel like Spock in 'Star Trek',

I always used feel like Spock!   Certainly with the 'rents I'll feel like Spock again.

I also feel bad that sometimes I think i am just waiting for my parents to die so I can move on. 

Yea, I feel that way about my father.  If he dies before I come out, I won't have to deal with his disapproving  voice.