First EMDR session - went well

[SaraDurga]

Hi everyone,

I just had my first EMDR session and it went really well.

My T had kept telling me I was in a great spot for it. I had done about 5 years of CBT a few years ago which she says broke through the first layer, which for me means I was no longer on my way to having a PD and being verbally abusive to my partner. Then a few years ago I started writing which my T said is breaking through the second layer which I think for me means having a place to express all the feelings that adult me has. I knew after a summer of regular counselling that I was done talking about things and that there was something more going on, and my T who I found in Sept agreed. After much dragging of my heels - although I have always been very open to therapies, this one scared me a bit - I finally got started and after a few intro sessions we did our first EMDR yesterday. I think it went well.

If anyone is considering EMDR and has specific questions I'd love to help.

I know I still have a long way to go but I wanted to put this out there for anyone who was where I was - knowing they need to do something but kind of scared to start something so different.

Have a good day, all of you strong, beautiful, worthwhile people!

[Eyessoblue]

Hi, I was interested and pleased to hear that your first session went well. I have been asked to think about having emdr but it's scared me due to some negative viewings on you tube of all the side effects you can get, I just wondered how this went for you, did you have any bad side effects or was it all straight forward, also did it re traumatise you at all? Hope you don't mind answering my questions.

[SaraDurga]

Hi Eyes,

I was scared to, tho I hadn't seen anything on youtube. Just even reading one bad side effect got me scared. I worried that I would be debilitated by the side effects, worried about my kids and my work. Also I have to admit I was very afraid of what kinds of things could be unearthed by it. Lastly, I wasn't entirely sure how it was going to work. Those things meshed with, as strange as it sounds, a desire to just get started with it already.

So far I haven't had any side effects that are negative. My energy was fine, and there was nothing intensely difficult that came up during the session, though I did have some necessary crying jags that righted themselves with the adding of the good stuff part of the EMDR.

I had planned in advance that I would come home and meditate before hubby and kids came home (I do TM but not regularly) so I did that. Also we had pre-made dinner so that wasn't a worry. Then I did some writing which my T asked me to try to do, to cement in the messages that my brain made. I took it easy in the evening, just watching TV other than writing.

I was definitely tired. I went to bed around 930 and slept through to 630.

Today, I am much more upbeat than I'd been in almost a year. I did have a few moments where that familiar feeling - the one where I suddenly without warning feel sad and worthless - popped in, but it wasn't there all day as it had been before. I think that's a win.

It was so strange. Like I was dreaming but able to be a real waking part of the dream. Most interesting was how my starting target scene was so dark and rainy and even now when I revisit it, it's sunny and bright.

I really wanted to be skeptical about it all, but so far, this is living up to what was promised.

It did not re-traumatize me, but, I only worked on two targets and they were very early memories. Nothing incredibly painful came up.

What does your T say? Do you feel comfortable with them? I think that feeling comfortable with your T and their history and experience is key to it. I wouldn't be able to do this otherwise.

Hope this helps!

[Eyessoblue]

Thank you for answering, my actual therapist doesn't do emdr she has suggested I get referred and a properly trained therapist will do it, I think that scares me as much as having the emdr itself! I'm really pleased your first session has been so positive and I hope you keep posting about your following sessions as I'd really like to hear how you're doing.

[SaraDurga]

Glad I could be of help. I too found it difficult to transition to this T and go about finding her in the first place. I dragged my heels about it for a long time.. . started the search in August and had a free consult in Sept... didn't go see her til mid-Oct, but after that we were rolling. I found her through the Psychologytoday website, I believe. Reading her profile, getting my questions answered and of course the free 15-minute consult helped. Take your time. You're doing good work until you get there.

I will for sure keep updating. I don't have another session til early Dec, due to both of our vacation schedules.

Now that I'm 5 days out I feel mostly the same. No side effects other than as I said wanted to sleep a bit more, but today I was alright - only 8 hours or so and I was okay. No crazy overeating. Still having the unidentified sad feeling from time to time, and it seems to be moreso around my weight/appearances, so I think I know which targets I want to work on next time.

What kind of therapies are you engaging in right now?

[Eyessoblue]

Well, I live in the U.K. And everything seems to take forever and consists of waiting lists for everything. I am lucky that I can continue seeing my therapist on the NHS,  I've got unlimited weekly appointments with her which are really helpful, I'm on a waiting list for  cbt and a separate 6 month waiting list to see a sexual abuse counsellor, I also have a 4 weekly check in with my doctor as have changed my medication, I have an eating disorder as well so have to get weighed and keep a food diary which gets checked at my doctors appointment. I had an official diagnosis of cptsd, anxiety disorder and depression last week, my counsellor thinks EMDR will be the best thing for me, but I still have reservations about it.