Finding work a struggle

[Rainydaze]

I work in an office and this week I really have noticed that a co-worker seems to patronize and mock me behind my back. I've heard him making offhand remarks to other people as I leave the room and it's one of those things where yes, I'm naturally paranoid to these things, but it is really obviously about me. I'm very quiet and anxious which becomes magnified by 1000% at work and I struggle to communicate with people without having emotional flashbacks. I think he's mocking me for acting weird. I know it's weird but I can't help it, I'm not an emotionally well person. I want to recover and this kind of thing really sets me back as it's not supportive in the least.  I don't think I'm actually very highly functioning to be honest, I find it very difficult. I am starting to wonder whether working in an office is really a good environment for me. By nature they seem to be bitchy places where there is little way of escaping. It's a male dominated environment as well so emotions are seen as weak.

What do you guys think? Anyone relate? I'm feeling low and my self-esteem has taken a real bashing. It was about a 2 on the scale after months of building it up and now it's dropped down to about 0.5! 

[Three Roses]

So sorry to hear you are dealing with that! You are worthy of being treated with respect. That guy sounds like he has a real problem.

Why do people have to treat us that way? When this happens to me, it makes me feel odd, singled-out, rejected. I try to remember I am just another human and, like all of us, dealing with our own issues & acting out of our own pain. I try to remember that this is his problem, not mine; everyone has their own issues that make us seem odd at times, and he is no different.

There is a phone app called What's Up available for android devices for free. The icon for it is a small hand inside a larger hand, on a red background. It has all sorts of great tools for coping with anxiety, low self-esteem, etc. You might try it out, retreat to a private spot on your break or something and read some positive reminders that you are important and have worth.  (I'm telling you this simply because it's what I would do in that situation.)

The other thing that occurs to me is that the people he's talking to probably don't think it's very nice that he is treating you that way. Stand strong, we are with you. 

[Rainydaze]

Thank you, Three Roses.  I've downloaded What's Up and it looks very positive, I shall keep it on my phone and try having a time out with it next time he upsets me!

What annoys me about this guy is that he's as nice as anything to my face. It's when I leave a room or he thinks I can't hear him while I talk to someone else in the room that he makes comments. It's so passive aggressive because I can't exactly hear what he's saying so if I did confront him (not that I would in a million years) he could claim that it wasn't about me, but it just so clearly is.

A positive thing though is that I know that he's the one in the wrong and not me, so I'm not abandoning myself over it. I haven't had any treatment like this from the others so at least it's only him being an idiot. It's the sort of behaviour I remember silly little 10 year old girls at school adopting, so it's pathetic coming from a grown man.

Thanks again for the reassurance, it makes me feel a little bit less alone. 

[Hazy111]

This is much more common than people think. Ive seen it , been involved with it, its just bad luck you work with such an *.
It isnt your fault. I know some of the most confident people ruined by office bullying. I had a male friend who was constantly bullied by female boss using her female colleagues as cheerleaders. He left.

There is a radio host here in UK and she says the subject that always gets the most reaction/calls is office bullying .

If it gets intolerable you have options. Sounds like hes cunning  , so doesnt do it directly and can always deny it. You can ask your boss to do something, but to be honest most bosses dont want to deal with it. They dont want the confrontation.

If it makes you ill, then consider leaving after waying up your options, confrontation, sucking up to boss etc.  . I know its not easy decision, but so many people suffer in silence.

Office politics sucks and its just an extension of stuff from school .

[Rainydaze]

Thanks Hazy.  It seems to be one of those things which isolates one person when they're targeted, but as you say it's very common. I only work three days per week and he isn't always in the office, so I think I can just avoid him as far as possible. He's worse when his bum chum he sits next to is in the office too because he acts like the big man and shows off. It is incredible how some people never grow up from school mentality!