'Flashbacks' that are not real flashbacks but rather flash 'forwards'?

[annakoen]

I wrote about this in my journal once before and I'm wondering if anyone else recognizes this.
I also have PTSD-type flashbacks, but more often than not I find myself in a flash 'forward', a hypothetical one. For example, I am now 'flashing' towards a situation where my father or mother would be in a therapists' office (will NEVER happen) and going over all the things I want/need to say. Imaginary angering, 'proving' what is wrong with them. I used to have this when biking to work, I would, in my mind, go over highly threatening situations that, in reality, never came to be. These are emotional flash-forwards, where hope, anxiety, fear and anger all come together in an imaginary situation that I play over and over and over and over in my head.

Does anyone recognize this? It's maddening

[tea-the-artist]

hey annakoen  when you said "flash forward" I had a feeling I knew what you meant. I actually wrote a post about this a couple weeks ago (click this link).

I put it in the dissociation board (inthought it might be simialr to daydreaming) but I think that might be wrong, but the replies I got made me feel like the flash forward hypothetical situations were helping me sort thoughts and place blame. Especially since in my personal situation, I can't speak up for myself without causing problems, so I speak up "through" imaginary/hypothetical conversations. Sometimes I also catastrophize situations in my head or will play out the terrible things my family would say room me if I ever moved out.

It really is maddening! I understand it gets overwhelming having all those feelings coming up, when the situation is not actually happening at all But I hope knowing someone else understands helps a little

[sanmagic7]

i can totally relate to this.  it is maddening and feels obsessive.  for me it's been a feeling of wanting justice done, finally being able to have an equal ground to let me voice be heard.  it's helped me to write letters speaking my truth for the first time.  whether i'm going to send them or not is still up for debate in my mind, especially trying to think what benefit it might be to me to actually send 'my voice' and let it be heard for the first time.

so, i don't know about that yet, but just writing the letters has helped me get those terrible merry-go-rounds of thinking out of me.  that has been a relief in itself.

[Sienna]

Hi annakoen,
I have this too a lot, and i think that what it is is catastrophic thinking.
Pete Walker in his books talks about the outer critic and how it manifests awful plays and dramatic scenes of *what could happen*..expecting the worst...etc. He said this is how we avoided *what could happen* in childhood if we didnt prepare with this sort of thinking. By thinking of the worst it helped us avoid it as much as possible.
It is there because it believes it is keeping you safe.
This could also be a way you are trying to outlet your anger in your head (thats just a guess, but i know i have angry fantasies of telling others what i really think) as i cant express that anger outwardly in a healthy way.

Hope this helps...

[annakoen]

Thank you all for your replies, seems I'm not the only one. I really need to buy one of Peter Walker's books! Things keep being cited here that really match with what I experience

It's an old ingrained habit (addiction is more like it, my brain just won't stop!) and there are elements of catastrophising, angering and sorting through emotions there. But catastrophising fits most I think.

There is some inner conviction of never being safe. I carry it with me everywhere I go and it really holds me back...

Thanks for all your replies.
Has anyone found good ways to stop yourself?

[Sienna]

annakoen,
No worries. 

I imagine its programming. Like the inner critic, the outer critic is programmed somehow...

There is some inner conviction of never being safe. I carry it with me everywhere I go and it really holds me back...

I hear you.  I am the same. It is the hallmark of PTSD.

I havent found any way to stop it yet. Im not sure its as easy as just saying STOP when it comes up, like my T suggested for when i start berating myself inner critic wise.
Its really hard to stop a lifelong habit, but there must be a way. I reckon that working therapeutically to release all that fear might help, and learning to see what is objective thinking and what is fear based thinking...not sure..sorry...

[Sienna]

ps. here is a link to his writing on the outer critic- PDF...
and just thought- you must be in a flashback in order to have these plays role over and over in your head...but not seen the flash...
and maybe these plays and dramatic scenes are re-enactments of what happened to you as a child...not directly seeing what happened to you , but maybe these dramatic plays involve themes of what happened and what you feared as a child....

[papillon]

Sienna, I don't see the link you meant to post. I'm interested in reading that... thanks for sharing!

[Three Roses]

When this happens to me, as soon as I realize I'm doing it, I examine the belief behind it (there is always one, for me anyway).

For example, I find myself in a scenario where I'm having to defend myself. I ask myself, why? I discover it's because I've felt threatened by something. I look at why I felt threatened. Do I feel like I did something wrong? Am I afraid this person doesn't like me? I can then examine what's behind it - the belief that I'll be in danger unless I please everyone, the belief that I'll be ostracized if someone dislikes me, etc.

It takes a little while, sometimes, but taking time to comfort myself is worth it, because I'm worth it. I've not been able to stop it before it happens, though I've gotten faster at nipping it in the bud.

[woodsgnome]

My mind takes similar future trips/tricks that can then take over my whole system to where I forget that I'm only projecting an outcome...the only part being the toughest to realize.

So in my toolbox I have an acronym (these take the first letter of words and use them to form a new phrase). I found it helpful, at least afterwards. I referred to it somewhere in a post long ago, but as it's apropos to this phenomenon, it may come in useful with regards to 'flash-forward' feelings and emotions being discussed here. Here's the acronym:

FEAR equals...

Fantasy

Expressed

As

Reality

I can't say it's always helped right away, but afterwards it can work into the calming and self-soothing process. So when I realize that what's occurred in a 'future-forward' has only been a projection of mind, I can see it for what it is...just that old gremlin--habitual fear, but with no basis in reality (although it can feel like it). And as it passes, fear fades into fantasy of what might have seemed frightening in its potential for harm, but not the reality; only fantasy. The Inner Critic is dangerous here, and will try to point out that "see, you can't defend yourself, can you?"...until one remembers that hyper-vigilance about what can happen does that to people with cptsd.

Hope this makes sense--I tend to go outside-the-box a lot; probably because so many of these cptsd symptoms are themselves out-of-the-box. We need to unlearn and discard as much old baggage as well as what we need to bring in of the new; un-learning as well as learning.

[sanmagic7]

thanks, woodsgnome.  you're right about having to add as well as subtract.  we have to clear out the old, crummy stuff in order to make room for the sunshine-bringing new stuff.

[papillon]

I like that, woodsgnome! I've also heard it as False Evidence Appearing Real.

[Sienna]

Hi everyone...here is the link i meant to send...sorry about that!
http://pete-walker.com/pdf/ShrinkingOuterCritic.pdf